i’m podcast famous! also, i’m an asshole.

17 09 2012

i’m a lucky lady. in the whole almost 3 years of this blog (my blogiversary is on the 23 if anyone wants to get wasted on cheap champagne with me), i’ve gotten nominated for stuff, got to speak at stuff, guest posted on a whole mess of wonderful bogs, and met a shitload of wonderful people.  but because i’m also an asshole ( a lucky asshole), i don’t say thank you enough.  or in this particular case, soon enough. Read the rest of this entry »





day 5: friday slump.

3 09 2012

i had such high hopes for this week. i was going to eat cleanly, do laundry, go jogging EVERY DAY… this week was the week that would make up for the other 51 weeks that i spend mired in guilt not doing any of the things on my “to do” list. this week was going to CHANGE EVERYTHING.

it started well.

i jogged, i cooked, i paid overdue medical bills. i wrote every day. i ate so many vegetables! Read the rest of this entry »





day 1: alone vacation is boring.

28 08 2012

for the next 8 days, i am on summer vacation. “stay-cation” if you want to used a stupid made up word to describe the fact that i can’t afford to actually go anywhere. but regardless of my being tethered to this zip code for the next week, i’m actually quite optimistic about the prospect of a week of paid down time to do nothing but take naps and catch up on several year’s worth of to-do lists gathering dust in the back of my brain.

seriously, i’ve had the same bag of dry cleaning for at least 3 years. possibly 5. so long that i got too fat for the clothes in the bag, and then eventually lost the weight so that i can probably fit into them again. likely, they are no longer in style. i should really put “reevaluate contents of dry cleaning bag” on my to-do list before i spend $60 having disastrously dated frocks professionally cleaned.  Read the rest of this entry »





vegan candy throwdown

24 06 2012

vegan knock offs by go max go!

2 months down the vegan rabbit hole, and things are going shockingly well. pizza still makes me a little sad, and i have a hard time looking at photos of melted cheese. but, things like guacamole and fake chicken salad make it all ok. the truth is, even 5 years as a veg and i still haven’t gotten to the part where meat looks disgusting to me. i can’t imagine cheese ever repulsing me, but i have high hopes that it will kick in any day now. any day…

but even if i miss cheese forever, i find new things every day that make this whole new diet thing seem less like an effort. i think there is a perception that being vegan is a lot of work/cooking and that you have to eat twigs and berries and spend $200 a week at whole foods. and there was definitely a little part of me that was worried that the perception was true.

but at the 2 month juncture, i am pleased to report that it is not (well, so far at least). why just 2 days ago i went to margarita’s with that boy i like (a chain restaurant would surely spell disaster!), and our waiter informed us that their tortillas (corn and flour), refritos, beans & rice… all vegan. they also said that they have a ton of grilled vegetables and would be happy to veganize anything on the menu for us. +1 for a restaurant that i never even considered eating at ever.

but back to candy. delicious candy.

when you google “vegan candy”, you’ll find a lot of recipes for making your own shit, a lot of smug whining about how candy is unhealthy, and a lot of debating about which commercial products are actually vegan. it’s kind of a mess. what i want to do is just waltz into a grocery store and buy a goddamn candy bar and eat it. and so far what i’m finding is that i kind of can’t.

with a very few exceptions, standard commercial candy is OUT (ESPECIALLY YOU M&M MARS). most of it contains milk or gelatin but also a lot of weird multi-syllabic products of indeterminate origin and nebulous terms like “natural flavors” that could virtually mean ANYTHING.

there is also some weirdness where things that clearly contain no animal ingredients may not be considered truly vegan because they are made on or near the same equipment as products with dairy. i don’t care so much about this, but  some people do. but again, it’s FUCKING CONFUSING.

that said, i’m finally starting to get into the swing of things, and at least for me, the key to feeling good about candy is to just have it around the house so that i can grab it when i need to go to the movies or on a long car trip. not ideal (especially if you’re prone to eating candy all the time), but so far (with the exception of the fact that i just ate mambas for breakfast) so good.

here’s my top 7 list of vegan candy that makes it genuinely ok that i can never have another snickers bar again: Read the rest of this entry »





if you like me, check this box.

10 05 2012

so back in december when i became all single and jazz, i had a little bit of a dating related meltdown. perhaps you remember it? no?

reader’s digest version: 10 years off the market and i found myself completely  clueless about virtually everything dating related or if i would even be attractive to anyone at 34, when the last time i was open for business i was a nubile 24 year old with a temp job and questionable decision making skills.

but at the time, my breakup wounds were fresh, and the actual dating conundrum could wait. i avoided thinking about it. i shopped my way through the move into the bachelor hole. i focused my attentions on the happiness and well being of my true life partner, kazuki.

but here we are 5 months later, and things are all kinds of unexpectedly different (except for kazuki being my soul mate. that’s forever).

i’ll start by telling you a little story about something that happened a few weeks ago: Read the rest of this entry »





losing my v card.

29 04 2012

ok, not really. i’m not exactly an old french whore or anything, but i am 34 and divorced… you do the math.

but there is an equally scandalous V word that i have been keeping a bit of a secret lately- VEGAN.

now, i’ve been a vegetarian for almost 5 years now- and that’s no big deal. and for the entirety of that 5 year period, i’ve clutched desperately to my dairy and eggs. oh, i’ll get cage free. oh, i’ll get local. oh, i’m pretty sure that’s responsibly farmed. and i did it not necessarily because i really believed those things i was telling myself, but because cheese and eggs and butter are so ungodly delicious, that i couldn’t fathom giving them up. not ever. Read the rest of this entry »





cheap eats- thirsty piggin it.

5 08 2011

not to be confused with “porky piggin it”, which is the condition of wearing a shirt, but no pants or underwear (a la porky pig).

i love a hot dog. red hot dogs. foot long hot dogs. 7-11 roller hot dogs… in my meat eating days, i would shovel down those natural casing lovelies (THE SNAP!) like they were going out of style. and then i became a vegetarian, and my hot dog prospects became instantly very very grim. tofu pups? seriously?

over time, i have managed to find some work arounds. i’m a big fan of the yves  veggie dogs, i think they have the most realistic hot dog flava available in the mass consumer fake meat marketplace (especially when buried under sauerkraut, onions, and spicy mustard). they’re even better if you grill them in a pan with butter (sorry vegans!).  as it turns out, they are slightly less good if you roast them over a fire.  surprise! it’s blister covered corpse dogs!

although the worst thing about it is that i can’t just stroll through tommy’s park and grab a red snapper from mark’s on a summer afternoon… or any one of portland’s many varied and awesome hot dog stands. it sucks. so when linda bean’s famous bullshit chowder something something shut down, and the thirsty pig moved in (and actually carried a veggie dog), i was pretty fucking excited. Read the rest of this entry »