day 1: alone vacation is boring.

28 08 2012

for the next 8 days, i am on summer vacation. “stay-cation” if you want to used a stupid made up word to describe the fact that i can’t afford to actually go anywhere. but regardless of my being tethered to this zip code for the next week, i’m actually quite optimistic about the prospect of a week of paid down time to do nothing but take naps and catch up on several year’s worth of to-do lists gathering dust in the back of my brain.

seriously, i’ve had the same bag of dry cleaning for at least 3 years. possibly 5. so long that i got too fat for the clothes in the bag, and then eventually lost the weight so that i can probably fit into them again. likely, they are no longer in style. i should really put “reevaluate contents of dry cleaning bag” on my to-do list before i spend $60 having disastrously dated frocks professionally cleaned.  Read the rest of this entry »






out of office.

3 04 2011

apologies for the interruption in service! i am taking a brief jaunt to boston this weekend (so that i won’t be so sad about chorus line being over), and my hotel CHARGES FOR WIRELESS.

i’m outraged. so outraged in fact that instead of writing a real post yesterday as planned, i am now tapping this apology out on my iphone. $9.95 my ass.

although i did commit one financial infraction (so far). i stupidly wore inappropriate she’s and had to buy flats about 4 hours into my adventure. they were on sale for $15.99, but i should really have preplanned a little better. i burn with shame.

also on the shame tip, i learned that i am completely incapable of reading a map. we easily spent 1/3 of our “out and about” time horribly horribly lost. today, it has be demanded that i relinquish the iphone and navigation duties.

well, it’s checkout time. and i need to go prepare my mangled feet for yet another adventure. more tonight (there is free wifi on the amtrak).

 





where did this pig come from?

5 09 2010

well, my vacation has finally come to an end. it’s sort of sad, but saying goodbye to the steady diet of bread and cheese (not a lot of vegetarian options in piscataquis county) and lifetime network was an absolute necessity. so i finally dock my bloated ass back in portland, and i’m unpacking all of my various jazz… and this pig rolls out. well, this plastic replica of an antique hog shaped  pin cushion, and its accompanying receipt for $8.99.

um… what? was i on pills or something?

nope. no pills, no demon possessions, no being held at gunpoint… no, something far more sinister was at work here: RETAIL AWKWARDNESS.

on the long ride home from greenville, we made multiple stops at antique malls, thrift stores, and junk shops, all of which turned out to be a bust.  we must have done the 2 minute tour of disappointment at least 7 or 8 times, slipping out the side doors while other customers distracted the shopkeepers from our lack of buying. in and out like some sort of dirty double entendre that i’m too tired to make right now. but somewhere near abbot (maine’s #1 town- at least alphabetically), we stopped into a tiny little antique shop and everything changed.

despite what it declared on the exterior signage, it was really more or a junk shop than anything. a combination of crappy reproductions, aging craft projects, and other dusty sub-garage sale knickknacks. about 30 seconds indicated that it was time to leave, but one unfortunate feature of this store was a large rascal-bound elderly proprietor sitting right next to the front door. oh, and no other customers. at one point i heard a door slam and thought that i might be saved by the distraction of other incoming suckers, but it was only the equally elderly husband of the proprietor, coming in to hover in another part of the shop. there was no escape!

maybe it’s just me, but sometimes when i’m in a kind of depressing store that i can tell isn’t weathering the economy very well, i am overcome with horrible guilt for not buying anything. even when the merchandise is utter (often utterly overpriced) garbage, i still somehow find myself looking harder, digging deeper into bins, trying to find anything that might be worthy bringing home. when the sad eyed shopkeeper is there to stare me down (on a rascal, by the front door no less!), i am powerless. it’s almost like i’m paying a price of the trinket to escape the awkward sadness.

when i saw the pig pincushion sitting on the shelf, i saw my ticket to get out of that store sans bad feelings.  am i the only crazy person who does this? furthermore, is anyone out there in the market for a pig pincushion?





weekend pickthrough- greetings from moose mountain edition.

30 08 2010

vacation is awesome! well, except for the part where i’m horribly bloated from starchy diner food and my neck hurts because my motor lodge pillows are too firm. but hey, i’m far away in a beautiful place (moosehead!) with nothing to do but sleep, snack, read trashy novels, horribly fail at NYT crosswords, and spend 5 hours straight catching up on this season of project runway. bliss. anyway, my wireless connection is spotty at best, and i’ll possibly be doing some vacationy stuff like riding on boats, hiking up mountains, and getting terrible sunburns, so i’ll be in and out this week. however, i will not forget you! i have every intention of posting on my regular schedule, although i’m sure the content will be tainted with my carb drunkenness, regular drunkenness, sun stroke, sea sickness, and the kind of apathy for work that can only come with 5 hours in bed with a danielle steel novel. just sayin, i warned you.

p.s. yes, there is a store here where you can get blowup sex dolls AND regional jams & jellies. incongruity FTW!

overheard in the office was one of the very few things that kept me from stabbing everyone at my last horrible office job. now, we can eavesdrop on our whole city. nice work overheard in portland!

another charming entry into the maine blog scene! if this chick can make buying toilet paper interesting, we’re bound to be in for pretty decent ride. although i could teach her a few things about getting her TP double extra cheap (work those coupons!).

just in case you didn’t hear me bragging about it constantly this week… the portland phoenix knows who i am! i didn’t make the best blogs list, but they are aware of my existence. next stop, world domination.

the single most seizure inducing web design (if you can call it that) that ever existed. although frankly, i think that the waving santa gif really brings it all together. maybe i need one? (via @mdesjardins)

this makes me so angry!

it starts in filenes basement, and then it spreads to your soul.

why can’t my crazy gramma have a fuck buddy?

buffy AND battlestar alums? the syfy channel knows what i like.





weekend pickthrough- nonfunctional edition.

22 08 2010

i get exactly 10 days of vacation/sick time every year. i allow myself 1 full week off from work, and the remainder are reserved for emergencies and obligations (spluh). usually i take this week sometime in july or august, but this year, on account of the puppy and the lost deposit debacle, my vacay had to be downgraded from 9 days in a cabin on MDI to 4 days at a motor lodge in moosehead.  and it’s not happening until september. and i’m dying. slowly. day by day.

ok, maybe not dying so much as withering. i have a very bad habit of overextending myself, and sometimes even if there are still responsibilities to be met (namely a long overdue graphic design project and a post of the observer), i just hit the wall and become completely nonfunctional. unfortunately, my wall-hitting has just fallen short of my vacation, and i spent the weekend sitting like a lump on my couch in a stupor. i know, my weekend pickthroughs are getting picked through later and later. i know, i haven’t scored myself a hot deal in weeks. i know, the more projects i try to take on, the worse job i do at everything.

so here it is. 3 days late, and barely breathing.

try liquefying your vegetables and pouring them in the humidifier. recipes for the really modern woman.

do i really have a future in toll booth collection? this random generator seems to think so.

man, if the streetcar was still running in portland (like it did in 1916), i wouldn’t be late for work every day (probably).

fuck that ghost! (a superior flow chart of super superiority)

what’s in this hipster’s bag? or for that matter, would you just look at this fucking hipster?

does the auburn mall really count as a dead mall? tragic. why oh why did porteous have to go?!

and while we’re sitting here on the couch, here’s a small collection of fashion blogs that have recently tickled my fancy:

young fat and fabulous– apparently she won the MTV twitter-vj slot (i am the jealous-ist), but i like her because she’s thrifty, curvy, and sassy as shit.

this bitch has the time, skill, and energy (and apparent access to a very thrifty thrift-store) to make a dress a day. maybe me and my remedial sewing skills need to start a spin off site called “a hot mess a day”?

portland local cutie pie sweet william catalogs her daily wardrobe.





go outside and play.

3 07 2010

it’s 4th of july weekend, and i’ve been slacking triple time. it’s too gorgeous outside to stay indoors and slave over a hot laptop. thus, i’m taking a few minutes away this weekend to screw off, hit the flea markets, drink too many coronas on the porch, and take long naps on the lawn. it’s life, liberty, and the pursuit of a cold beer on a hot day. it’s independence day bitches, and it’s time to turn the computer off and go run around naked in your neighbor’s sprinklers. i’m sure the founding fathers would have wanted it that way.