i spy- schweddy balls (a tale of woe).

3 10 2011

i’m not really an ice cream person. i don’t hate it, it’s usually  just not at the top of my list when it comes to consuming mass quantities of crap food. i would much rather hit the cheez-its, or the cheez doodles, or anything else so processed and atomically  orange that it is forced for legal reasons to spell the word cheese with a Z. either that, or a stick of butter. (yes, a WHOLE STICK). i essentially only eat ice cream on birthdays or scorching summer days where i accidentally end up within a five mile radius of a DQ.

but then a few weeks ago, ben & jerry’s announced a brand new limited edition flavor called schweddy balls. i generally find ben & jerry’s to be a bit too heavy, and to have too much crap in it (too sweet is the kiss of death in my book). but something about rum flavored ice cream with malt balls and rum balls sounded like the most amazing thing i had ever heard of, and i became COMPLETELY OBSESSED with finding and ingesting it post haste.

except that they weren’t fucking around when they said limited edition. apparently only dispatched to 30% of their stores, and not available on the “flavor locator“, it became the motherfucking holy grail of ice cream. i checked every supermarket and convenience store in town. NOTHING. i put out an APB on twitter. lots of complaining about how nobody else can find it either, and an unhelpful rumor about it being spotted in bangor. essentially, NOTHING.

weeks passed, and with my new obsession came an unquenchable thirst for ice cream. every time i would to into a store and be disappointed, i would sooth my disappointment with a pint of something else: Read the rest of this entry »





i’m panel of experts famous!

31 08 2011

everyone, i’d like you to meet bettysue higgins. this spring, a friend forwarded me this article from the kennebec journal. nothing too fancy, just your garden variety article about a 54 year old secretary embezzling $166,000 from the maine trial lawyers fund. you know, the usual.

over the forthcoming weeks, more and more information would come to light regarding bettysue’s “situation”. normally, i wouldn’t  bother paying too much attention to this kind of small town scandal. but as the details regarding the case began to trickle out, things got more and more bizarre. apparently, this was not bettysue’s first foray into embezzlement, having previously hijacked funds from a both a middle school hot lunch program AND a local little league.

but that’s just the back story. here’s where things got really weird: turns out, bettysue higgins was stealing all this money so that she could level up her character in an online game called yoville (from the same jerks that have infected your facebook stream with farmville invites). bettysue may have been living in a distressed property in the middle of a foreclosure, but in yoville, she was a queen (her character’s name was actually QUEENIE. no jokes). in addition to her queening duties, she was also an active member of the YOVILLE BUSINESS LEADERS ASSOCIATION. yes folks, that is something that actually exists. Read the rest of this entry »





weekend pickthrough: a lesson in customer service edition.

18 04 2011

today, something really lame happened. possibly my lamest retail run-in ever.

i was at the mall trying on dresses, and was feeling uncertain about a strapless number with somewhat poorly located pockets. still pretty cute, and at $19.99… definitely worth consideration.

so i threw a belt on it, walked out of the dressing room, and asked the nearest sales associate if she thought it was too poofy around the waist. as in: is the excess pocket fabric making it unflattering? (i may have even motioned to the bunchiness with my hand.)

apparently i wasn’t clear enough, because her response knocked me on my ass: Read the rest of this entry »





weekend pickthrough- lazy beyond comprehension edition.

11 04 2011

so today the boyfriend and i celebrated the opening weekend of the dunstan school buffet with a hearty breakfast of nachos and home made donuts (and a promise to our intestines never to do it again). i brought my sunday paper along to pass the time in between plates, and came across something quite curious midway through my CVS flier- a product so ludicrous, i was stopped in my tracks.

EASY FEET!?

with the catchy tag line: “no more bending to clean your feet!”, easy feet easily qualifies as the laziest product that i have ever seen.

every year, americans invent more and more useless contraptions that allow us to do less and less. at first it seemed harmless. so what if we wanted to “set it and forget it” every now and again… it was cool. at least we were still bending down to clean our own feet. right?

are we really so fat/lazy/immobile that we can’t even bend at the waist anymore?

it reminds me all too much of the chair/toilet/feeding stations from the idiocracy world (which is a MUST SEE if you haven’t seen it).  and i worry that instead of retraining ourselves to exercise and eat normal sized portions (we weren’t always one of the fattest nations in the world), we’re just going to keep inventing devices that make it possible for us to stay obese.

i don’t know. i’m speechless. am i overreacting? is easy feet a clever invention or the eventual downfall of our civilization?

well, if easy feet isn’t our downfall, celine dion might be.

this looks totally unappetizing, yet i still really want to eat it.

the most shocking news story to hit this state in years: SOMETIMES PEOPLE LIE ON THE INTERNET.

i signed up for this IMMEDIATELY after reading this article.

an eerie amount of l. ron hubbard descends upon the librarything early reviewers list.

if you didn’t realize that my burlesque name (candy sprinkles) was an homage to this chick, you’ve been missing out.

so, you’re boning sephen dorff. (yeah, i’m obsessed with the hairpin alright)

local girl elisa doucette gets takes down the candie’s foundation. (oh, and if you were following her on twitter– you could have seen the resulting verbal boxing match where she took down bristol palin).

dust off your paypal account…WARY MEYERS HAS THERE OWN SHOP!





ALL SYSTEMS GO!

8 04 2011

on monday when i only had 13 tickets sold and no sign of picking up… i was ready to quit this bitch. i really didn’t think it was gonna happen. i even started making other plans for the 23rd.

i don’t know if it was my general sad sackness working the guilt angle, or just that people woke up and realized that they really did need to buy 25 billy book cases in order for their lives to feel complete… but i hit my half way goal and then a little bit more  yesterday.

as of this morning, i’m at 27 seats sold, and i’m sending the bus company my money- eek!  what i’m trying to say is that the IKEA bus is ON. ON. ON.

there are still 23 tickets left that i’m gonna be trying really hard to sell (anybody got any catchy poster ideas?), but the die is cast. i’m going through with it no matter what. i am also taking recommendations for what should go in my local food snack packs.

finally, i want to say THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU to everyone who talked about, facebook liked, and tweeted up this event. many of you couldn’t afford it or had other plans, but you still cheered me on. gennyfer shook down the moms over at raising maine! cindy and matt guilt tripped their coworkers! the entirety of the forge brandsstaff decided to drink the ikea bus kool aid!

anyway, thank you. i am overwhelmed! i make you my solemn promise that the ikea bus will be as awesome as i can possibly make it. and for those of you who can’t join us, i promise frequent twitter updates and lots of goofy pictures of people pretending to poop in the fake ikea display bathrooms.





weekend pickthrough- mail call showdown edition.

27 03 2011

this has been a good couple of weeks for free stuff in the mail. between the soy milk and the cleaning stuff, i also applied for some samples online, which showed up this week. i realized after i wrote that post last week about product testing sites, i had completely left out free sample sites! you may not get full sized products, but i am a sucker for tiny scale models of real products, and they almost always come with a pretty decent value coupon.

this week, i got two sample deliveries- one from target, and one from proctor & gamble (evil i know, but FREE STUFF!). when i originally saw the post for the target beauty bag on my favorite freebie website, i thought it might be a phishing scam. so much awesome stuff for free! my bag arrived a mere one week later.

though not packed with the same goods pictured (where’s my full sized sally hansen nail enamel?), still had some pretty hot shit inside (full sized neutrogena lip balm!). also, it came packaged in the most adorable tiny makeup bag known to man, and had $25 worth of target beauty coupons. and you know what that means… STACKING!! i was blown away.

then, i got my p&g brandsaver… and there was blowing alright, just not the good kind. one tiny sample and two tiny coupons? i hear these stories about people getting all sorts of crazy awesome shit from p&g, but i have never gotten anything good. this was better than the time they sent me a single metamucil packet in a huge box, but not much.

sadly, the target beauty bag is already sold out, but i would recommend finding yourself a freebie listing service so that you have a chance of getting in on the action next time around. i also follow deal seeking pros like hip2save on twitter, who usually have first knowledge of the good shit.

but since you’re probably still really jealous about not getting the beauty bag, here are some links to ease your pain: Read the rest of this entry »





i’m channel 6 famous!

24 03 2011

i hate watching myself on film. i hate my voice. i make funny squinty faces and wave my hands around too much… it makes me cringe. but every now and again, a girl has to get on camera for the greater good. (and no, girls gone wild does not count as the greater good).

well, i’ve been posting on the wcsh6 around town blog for a while, and a couple of weeks ago their fabulous community web producer asked me if i would be in a promo spot for the website.

scary, right? but who am i to turn down free publicity, and the opportunity to help out someone who helped me out.

the process was actually really fun and totally not traumatizing. the producer and camera man came over to my house, microphoned me up, and asked me a bunch of questions. i tried not to look like a fidgety spaz. the best part was when we were done filming and we all hung out and talked about nerd stuff. i also love that in the final cut, my apartment is heavily featured.

well, as if recording my very first (and likely last) commercial wasn’t enough… Read the rest of this entry »





behold the spirits of douche-o-ween!

21 10 2010

it’s a tragic but unavoidable fact that women all over the country think that turning themselves into the whore version of anything is the best course of action for halloween costumes. i actually took a little poll yesterday on twitter to find out what obscenely stupid things people have seen tarted up for this upcoming holiday season. the results will not surprise you AT ALL.

slutty gumby
slutty big bird ( i expected more from you target!)
slutty spongebob (i mean sponge BABE)
“just out of the shower” towel & flip flops (slutty AND lazy)
slutty ninja turtle
slutty smurf
slutty nun
and of course the big winner of the slutoween ludicrous costume contest- for it’s high levels of both whoreishness AND general offensiveness… SLUTTY ANOREXIC!

yeah, slutoween is tapped out. even babies have slutoween costumes now. hell, there’s even a flickr group…  basically, i’m tired of making fun of skanks (i can’t believe i just uttered those words). this year, i’m going after the gentlemen. sure, they have every right to make fun of the women’s parade of obviousness and low self esteem… and we have every right to make fun of the fact that an equivalent majority of men use halloween as an excuse to expose their inner jackass (among other things that they shouldn’t be exposing).  this costume-round up over at woot pretty much says it all and then some… but seriously everybody- are we really that pathetic as a species that we need to lower ourselves so far down, even one day a year? why can’t halloween be an excuse to be clever and hilarious instead?

so here is my challenge to you american public:

it doesn’t have to be brilliant, expensive (there’s even a hot hot $5/$25 coupon for goodwill of northern new england to ease your costume purchasing financial burden- thanks for the tip coupon goddess!) , or labor intensive… just be something smarter than the lowest common denominator. leave your push up bra and you dick jokes at home on halloween for a change, and find yourself a costume that has some dignity.  i promise that there are virtually thousands of ideas out there that do not involve you looking like a hooker or a sex offender. in fact, here are some of my favorite full genital coverage costume ideas for this season:

1. those awesome dudes from katamari.

2. can you say HUMAN SIZE LEGO GUYS?

3. screw you cardboard box robot, i’m gonna  be boxed wine this year!

4. yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip uh huh.

5. i don’t normally dig the military thing, but this is a soldier costume that i can whole heartedly support. (just don’t sit on my furniture while you’re wearing it).

me and two of my best lady friends are going as the murderous vixens from clue. i’m mrs. peacock (watch out for the wrath of my lead pipe!). what are you gonna be for halloween this year?

*UPDATE*

looks like someone else has already challenged the ladies of america to cover the hell up. take back halloween is an awesome costume guide for the uninspired woman seeking full nipple coverage. also, i’d really like to see some costume pictures of y’all getting your trick or treat on.





and you smell like one too.

23 09 2010

what day is today? it’s broke207’s birthday! what a day for a birthday, let’s all have some cake.

those of you who are also at one with the nerdness might recognize that as the birthday song from futurama. it always surprises me that “happy birthday” is out of play for the media, unless they’re willing to pay up to $30,000 for it. anyway, i don’t have that kind of cash, so the futurama version it is! because hell yeah, it’s my bloggy birthday today. or bloggiversary? or blogs day? you pick one that you like, i’m not fussy.

exactly one year ago today i started this shit, and i can’t say that i’m not more than a little bit surprised that it’s still happening.  it’s been sort of a wild ride actually. i remember the day that i got 7 pages views in one day, and i almost crapped my pants with excitement. then only a few months later, i got featured on freshly pressed and had over 3,000 pages views and 100 comments in 2 days. i also remember complaining about only having 6 twitter followers, and now i have more than 600. i am by no means “internet famous” quite yet (and that’s not really my goal anyway), but i’ve found people and support in ways and places that surprise me every single day. it’s been awesome, and i hope it continues to be awesome in the future. actually, i want it to be even more awesome.

maybe i’ll do a post someday about what i want broke207 to look like at this time next year, but for today, let’s look back and take some notes. my dad always used to make us go around in a circle at the thanksgiving table and say what we were thankful for. or at least he did until the year where my answer was “teen angst”, and then my sister said she wanted to be a stripper, and somehow the whole thing ended with us crying and throwing food at each other (true story, ask my mom). anyway, today i’m going to go around the table and list 5 things that i’m thankful for related to this here blog (brace yourself for wistful sap-fest):

1. after spending my whole previous life stressing about it and avoiding it, i learned this year that i really love writing. sort of a pleasant surprise to find something that i think i could be good at after a 33 year career of aimless wandering. it may not pay my bills, but if you told me last year that i would have articles published on part time vagabond or the flyte blog, i would have laughed in yo FACE. or possibly spit on you, depending on my mood.

2. for a long time, i thought i had met everyone worth meeting in portland. starting this blog (and tweeting my ass off) helped me unearth an untapped layer of totally kick ass people who are not just generally awesome- but are actually out there getting shit done. sorry old friends, you’ve been replaced. ok,  not really, but i’m just so fucking inspired by these new people rotating in my orbit that i want to take out a full page ad in some publication that people actually read (US weekly?) telling them how great they are. or maybe this guy can tell them.

3. i started this website with a maine readership  in mind (thus the 207), but somehow people who don’t even fucking live here have found a reason to rub up against me and show their love. it’s awesome. (i’m talking about you coupon goddess and infamous qbert).

4. somewhere underneath all the swearing and the snark and the grump, i have found some generosity hiding in there. i don’t think i knew that about myself last year. it started out with just collecting drugstore freebies to drop off at the preble street resource center every now and again, and has morphed into me actually understanding the value of volunteering, and how much you can still do to help even if you don’t have any actual money to give. from sending expired coupons to troops overseas to volunteering with at risk teens all of the sudden i’ve become the person who will someday drag her family to the soup kitchen on sunday mornings to sort cans in the food pantry. they’ll learn to love it, i swear.

5. i’m starting to figure out that it’s ok to fail, or at least to suck. i’ve learned this year that i totally blow at hosting giveaways, taking photos, being consistent, and returning comments on the day that i get them… but people still come around anyway. maybe there are ways that i could have built more followers, gotten more page views, or made things all daft punk style harder, better, faster, stronger…  if i had put my nose just a little bit closer to the gridnstone (why do you mock me grindstone?!). but maybe all of that pressure to be successful and not make mistakes would have made me blow out of this shit already. this is supposed to be what i do for fun, and it is certainly what i do for free, so i’ve adopted the morrissey method- “do you best and don’t worry“. and here i am, still here. and i’m pretty sure that it’s made me saner, happier, more creative, and more hopeful (sample that kanye).

so anyway peoples, thank you for an amazing ride (yeah, that’s overtly sexual). any suggestions for how i can make the next broke207 year even more kick ass?





weekend pickthrough- greetings from moose mountain edition.

30 08 2010

vacation is awesome! well, except for the part where i’m horribly bloated from starchy diner food and my neck hurts because my motor lodge pillows are too firm. but hey, i’m far away in a beautiful place (moosehead!) with nothing to do but sleep, snack, read trashy novels, horribly fail at NYT crosswords, and spend 5 hours straight catching up on this season of project runway. bliss. anyway, my wireless connection is spotty at best, and i’ll possibly be doing some vacationy stuff like riding on boats, hiking up mountains, and getting terrible sunburns, so i’ll be in and out this week. however, i will not forget you! i have every intention of posting on my regular schedule, although i’m sure the content will be tainted with my carb drunkenness, regular drunkenness, sun stroke, sea sickness, and the kind of apathy for work that can only come with 5 hours in bed with a danielle steel novel. just sayin, i warned you.

p.s. yes, there is a store here where you can get blowup sex dolls AND regional jams & jellies. incongruity FTW!

overheard in the office was one of the very few things that kept me from stabbing everyone at my last horrible office job. now, we can eavesdrop on our whole city. nice work overheard in portland!

another charming entry into the maine blog scene! if this chick can make buying toilet paper interesting, we’re bound to be in for pretty decent ride. although i could teach her a few things about getting her TP double extra cheap (work those coupons!).

just in case you didn’t hear me bragging about it constantly this week… the portland phoenix knows who i am! i didn’t make the best blogs list, but they are aware of my existence. next stop, world domination.

the single most seizure inducing web design (if you can call it that) that ever existed. although frankly, i think that the waving santa gif really brings it all together. maybe i need one? (via @mdesjardins)

this makes me so angry!

it starts in filenes basement, and then it spreads to your soul.

why can’t my crazy gramma have a fuck buddy?

buffy AND battlestar alums? the syfy channel knows what i like.