blood loss.

1 04 2012

i know. i’ve been gone for weeks. i gotta tell you, these grapefruits got me DOWN.

when last we met, i was about to go in for an MRI to see if the embolization surgery was the right option for me. and the good news/short story is that i am. my surgery is scheduled for the 6th, and the grapefruit reign of terror will soon be over. assuming that is that you think 2-6 months means soon, and that 40-60% reduction means over.

some things i learned during the MRI process:

1. if the intake nurse is worried that she’ll “jinx it” by telling you that she’s good at inserting IV lines, she’s probably not very good at it. 2 painful punctures and a lot of crying later- she had to go get the lady who can insert an IV on a baby. 45 seconds and virtually no pain later, i was in business. next time, i will ask for that lady up front.

2. if the intake nurse stabs you a bunch of times and makes you cry, the MRI tech will do virtually anything to shut you up. that includes piping radiolab into the headphones that drown out the noise of the machine.

3. the machine is really fucking loud. and they put your chest in a plastic cage and you can’t move, and sometimes you aren’t even supposed to breathe. in general, this would make for a long hour. however, if you are lucky enough to have taken an ativan during the intake, this part does not seem too bad.

but that’s over now. now all i need to do is GET PUMPED for the procedure. i’ve been trying hard not to google too much, but there aren’t really any answers to what i want to know anyway. like “when will the abdominal bloating go away” and “do i really need to be catheterized?” it seems that people only write about their personal experiences with uterine artery embolization if something either went really wrong, or they’re writing a testimonial for a doctor’s website. not exactly the most helpful cross section…

i’ve been busying myself by buying “sick supplies” like crackers, a blender, and a space foam pad for my bed. i also maybe accidentally spent $100 on books at amazon.com. oh, and i should probably mention the hot pink sweatpants with LOVE written across the butt in glitter (they were on sale).

but the biggest problem that i’ve been encountering through all this pre-surgery busy-ness is the overwhelming fatigue. these fibroids are essentially stealing all my blood! according to my MRI, there are no fewer than 5 fibroids of “significant” size (ranging from grapefruit to golf ball). the big problem is that they are both causing me to lose blood (probably TMI, but it has been shark week FOR LIKE A MONTH), AND the blood that they are not expelling, they are hoarding in their giant hard engorged tumor bodies. wow. that’s gross. but true!

these bitches are stealing all my blood and i feel like i’m dying a little. my usually perky on 4-6 hours a night self can’t be satisfied with even 9 hours. and when i do sleep, i’m waking up every 2 hours to pee (did i mention that there is a grapefruit sitting directly on my bladder?), or because of the stabbing stabbing back pain. i even had to stop sitting on my balance ball at work. i am the living dead. i can essentially get up (barely), walk the dog, go to work, come home, and curl up on the couch until it’s time for bed.

it’s not that i don’t want to write. i think about it every day. i just can’t do anything. i’m hoping that after my surgery, i’ll wake back up again. you know, after i’m done vomiting.

i’ve been making a lot of jokes about how i’m going to live tweet my surgery. but maybe that’s only hilarious to me. but anyway, i’ll keep you posted.





Q: why doesn’t this blog have an f.a.q.?

1 06 2010

A: actually, i’m working on it. right now.

here’s a secret for you- during this summer/fall, i’ll be working on transforming this site from a free wordpress blog to my very own broke207.com domain. actually, i already bought it- but right now there’s just a crappy place holder page that both looks stupid and doesn’t make any sense. hopefully, with the miracle of modern technology (and my friends over at ibec creative), things will slide over all sorts of seamlessly- with a few minor upgrades that will make your life better- or at least probably not any worse. i hope that one of those upgrades will be the addition of an FAQ, but i haven’t figured out yet if there are enough unanswered questions about me and my pet blog to devote a whole section to answering them. that’s when  you arrive to clear up the confusion. if i were going to install an FAQ, what would you ask? or, do you think it’s a terrible idea?

here’s a starter question we can all try on for size:

Q: i find your use of all lowercase letters to be infuriating. are you some sort of crazy uneducated idiot? do you think you’re channeling e.e. cummings you pretentious prick? why do you torment me so?!

A: wow, those are some harsh words. why do you have to be so mean about it? actually, i have a college education (with a few extra courses on the side for emphasis), and have been capitalizing appropriately/successfully for many years. i even do so every day at my day job without complaint. i do enjoy e.e. cummings’ work very much, but my insistence on lowercase doesn’t have anything to do with him or his fantastic poetry. actually, kind of cranky reader, i do it because i have OCD (that’s obsessive compulsive disorder for those of you who missed the MTV true life– i have OCD). i am fortunate enough that my affliction is not so severe that i have to be medicated (although i have been medicated at various points), or prevents me from doing the things that i love to do, but it does creep into my life in funny ways sometimes that make me seem a little off/out there. i won’t eat a sandwich unless it’s cut diagonally (i will actually throw it away and get another one, or possibly cry, or more possibly both). i will throw away anything that i am hand writing if i make a mistake- rather than make a cross out (including post-its and informal notes to self). i am also obsessed with symmetry. i can’t even begin to calculate how much of my life i spend lining things up to make them parallel, or nudging them to make sure that they are square with the edges of the table. and that folks, is where the all lowercase happens. proper upper/lower writing is lopsided, and i find it visually displeasing. i can do it when i have to (work), but when it’s my turf (blog), i can do whatever the hell i please. i do find all uppercase writing to also be acceptable (my handwriting is all uppercase), but on the internet, people just think you’re yelling at them (thanks KANYE). thus, all lowercase it is! fun fact: my iphone auto-corrects all my improper lowercase letters, and i actually take the time to go back and undo the correction so that my symmetry is preserved. anyone know a hack for that?

so there it is… one question down. more to come? or TMI?