The Reverse Oscars.

8 03 2010

lips so deserving
but i’m sorry Miss Jolie
give that Oscar back

My sort-of-brilliant college boyfriend Jeremy wrote that haiku back in 2000 after Angelina won best supporting actress for the hot mess that was Girl Interrupted. and last night, as I watched the fully adorable but totally undeserving Sandy Bullock win best actress for The Blind Side, I shook my head quietly and sighed (ok, I actually screamed “what the fuck!” at the television). The Academy has done it again. Can we ground them? Take their credit cards away? Send them to Siberia until they pee their pants and promise never to do it again?

In so many ways, the Oscars have become so much of an overblown pageant of nepotism and ego masturbation that the elements of actual craftsmanship are almost completely overlooked. If the academy ever wants to get their TV privileges back, they’re going to have to make some reparations. We need to host the Reverse Oscars. It will be a lavish televised event (hosted by Neil Patrick Harris), where all of the Academy Award winners of years past who won for the wrong reason or outright didn’t deserve to win (or even be nominated) will give their awards to the people who did deserve to win, or who weren’t even nominated but should have been.

It goes something like this:

Gene Wilder will finally get his due for Willy Wonka. Julia Roberts will hand her ill-gotten Erin Brokovitch award over to Ellen Burstyn, who was nothing short of phenomenal in Requiem for a Dream. Someone will shove Gwyneth Paltrow down the stairs and take her Shakespeare in Love oscar and give it to Emily Watson for Hilary & Jackie (they might also possibly slap her around a bit for View from the Top and Shallow Hal)… and so on…

Anyhow, those are a few of my favorite picks for the Reverse Oscars, but i’m definitely soliciting suggestions to fill up the roster. We have a 3 hour show to plan people! (Somebody get doogie on the line!)