weekend pickthrough- let’s get into physical edition.

18 10 2010

thursday was a big day for me. as you might have read in my last post, i went to the mat for round 2 of amateur burlesque booty shakin, and this time, i was getting physical. let’s just say that there was a shake weight involved. oh, and a thigh master. and if you can believe it, I WON! it was pretty kick ass. there were 7 other acts competing with everything from sexy circus, to sexy redneck, to SEXY ORGAN HARVEST (i shit you not)…and it’s still pretty hard to believe that my goofy ass aerobicizing actually took home the prize ($50 and a chance to do it all again on november 11th in the finals). my routine also involved me pouring a bunch of water on myself, and i walked around looking like i peed my pants for the rest of the evening. zexxxy.

anyway, i have a little less than a month to come up with the another routine, and the balls to do it all again. yipes. i was down for the count for 3 days afterward just recovering from the stress and lost sleep for this round, i’m not entirely sure i have it in me to do it again. the competition will be crazy stiff this time, and i don’t have a goddamn clue what i’m gonna do for a number (any ideas?).

oh, and my mom finally found out about my second life as candy sprinkles, and we had to have a little chat about it. she won’t come see me in the finals… but she’s glad i’m not stripping. mostly, i think she thinks that i’m crazy. she’s probably right.

now how about that weekend pickthrough…

my friend michelle calls my dog k.lo because he requires an umbrella holder when we go out in the rain or he refuses to poop. maybe i should just get him one of these. while i’m at it, i should upgrade my dog to the crazy one in the picture.

drawing stuff is overrated. i bet futurama would be just as awesome in just three pixels.

everything you need to know about personal finance can fit onto the back of 5 business cards.

home made twix bars FTW.

somebody needs to buy this dog so that it can play with my dog. right now. i said get on it.

if anyone out there happens to be writing a novel next month and wants to play with me, i’m hanging out over here.

it’s motherfucking halloween, and that means one thing- MOONLIGHT CORN MAZE!

apparently, this is maine’s hottest bachelor. meh. cute, but i think we can do better (sort of like miss maine always has a big nose or a fat ass and NEVER makes top 10).

um, dogbeards?





stripping.

19 04 2010

so i read this really excellent article the other day about how to be a better photographer, which is weird because i don’t have any particular aspiration to be a photographer. yeah, i know that my blurry and poorly lit iphone photos totally blow, and i’m at peace with that. but what was great about the article was that it actually wasn’t about photography at all. it was about simplifying. the basic message being that all the high-tech gear in the world won’t make you a better photographer. her advice was to put everything away except your most basic camera, and just take as many pictures as you possibly can. strip away the distractions and reconnect with your craft.

well, i think it’s finally time for me to reconnect with my financial crap, i mean craft. lately i’ve been doing nothing. actually wait, i’ve been spending like a crazy person (i went to swap out a pair of shoes in the wrong size this weekend and accidentally ended up with yet another new pair. that’s 5 in the last 2 weeks for those of you who haven’t been paying attention), have more than an entire month of unclipped coupons,  skipped the last two baking days, and haven’t balanced my checkbook since 2009. SERIOUSLY NOT GOOD.

but before that, i was attempting to pull off every deal in town much to the detriment of both my wallet and my cabinet space.  i got burnt out and gave up. i got spring fever and i wanted new toys. at some point, i lost sight of the reason why i started this whole blog situation in the first place.

a quick assessment of the last 2 weeks of my checking account- i’ve spent $342.40 on eating and drinking out (oops), and i’m $413 in the hole for next month.  shit. shit. shit.

time to do the financial strip tease:

forget the pointless deals and baking days and hours spent on intricate schemes resulting in a freezer full of hotpockets (still fat FYI). remember the debt, the nest egg, and the new roof. it’s time to get back down to basics. i spent my hungover sweatpants sunday clipping and sorting my long neglected coupon stash (shamefully, many had already expired), and formulating an actual grocery list.  i decided to lay off hot pursuit of the uberdeal, and do something i haven’t done in a long time- just buy what i need. i planned five simple dinners, and some work food designed to prevent me from heading off to the coffee by design every day (after the last few weeks, my mayorship should be pretty much sealed). i used the coupons that i had, and even found an abandoned $10/$100 catalina at the register. $69 even (heh) split with the boyfriend, is only $4.50 over my weekly $30 budget, with no immediate reason to freak out and buy the whole world.

deep breath. keep going.

some pretty sweet shaw’s deals that i noticed while i was there:

pretty much all of the near east couscous & rice pilaf is $.99 right now.

tribe hummus is $1.99, and there’s (at least in falmouth) a $1/1 coupon blinker hanging out right there. i got 3 because apparently hummus lasts until july, and HELLO, $.99 hummus.

most of the kashi cereal is on sale for $2.49 this week, and if you still have any of the $1.50/1 from the vocalpoint healthy heart bonanza, $.99 fancy-pants cereal could be in your future.

mojo bars are on sale @ $.99 each, and there’s a recent mambo sprouts $1/3 coupon floating around there making them $.66 each. also, they’re fucking delicious.

there’s a tearpad (again, in falmouth) for free tomatoes when you buy 2 fresh express salad blends.

p.s. don’t look at that bag of doritos.





lousy smarch weather.

1 03 2010

life is hilarious sometimes.  and by hilarious, i mean cruel and tragic. so after blowing all my cash on gambling and the sandwich party, i decided that march would be the month where i try to make it all back. the truth is that many (most?) people are completely without a savings cushion. even though i finally have a little bit tucked away (hardly the recommended 3-6 months of expenses… but it’s a start!), i’ve been free ballin for my entire life- one lost paycheck away from complete financial ruin. wow. that’s really scary when i say it out loud.

the plan is as follows: imagine that i have no savings, and that a serious financial emergency has occurred where i need $1000 above and beyond what i get paid this month. what do i do?

the irony here is that i woke up to some semi-serious bedroom water damage (see photo) this morning (after fuck-storm 2010), and that if my insurance company doesn’t play nice, i actually could have some significant unexpected expense on my hands. surprise! screw hypothetical, i actually need the money. so how am i going to get it?

here are my ideas so far:

1. ebay & craigslist selling my stuff bonanza.

2. blood plasma.

3. labor ready.

4. amateur night at PT showclub.

5. odd jobs.

6. cash in bottles & cans.

7. cash in loose change around the house (found money jar excluded).

8. make stuff for etsy.

that’s all i got. what else can i do? no good idea will be refused!