day 1: alone vacation is boring.

28 08 2012

for the next 8 days, i am on summer vacation. “stay-cation” if you want to used a stupid made up word to describe the fact that i can’t afford to actually go anywhere. but regardless of my being tethered to this zip code for the next week, i’m actually quite optimistic about the prospect of a week of paid down time to do nothing but take naps and catch up on several year’s worth of to-do lists gathering dust in the back of my brain.

seriously, i’ve had the same bag of dry cleaning for at least 3 years. possibly 5. so long that i got too fat for the clothes in the bag, and then eventually lost the weight so that i can probably fit into them again. likely, they are no longer in style. i should really put “reevaluate contents of dry cleaning bag” on my to-do list before i spend $60 having disastrously dated frocks professionally cleaned.  Read the rest of this entry »





coma time.

9 12 2011

dear lord. where the fuck have i been?

the short answer is that i’ve been down the nutcracker burlesque hole. the slightly less short answer is that my new job is hard and makes me tired. excitingly enough, it also makes me happy, but very very tired. Unfortunately, this combination of dancing 3 days a week +  job that makes my brain sweat = me asleep on my couch in front of a half finished blog post about something that happened to me 3 weeks ago EVERY SINGLE NIGHT.

i’m actually kind of surprised that my computer hasn’t slid off my unconscious lap and shattered into 1,000 pieces… YET.

anyway, i haven’t given up the ship. i just need to figure out how to get myself back from the dead and into full blogging mode. probably/definitely, after nutcracker.  in the meantime, please enjoy this post i wrote for goodwill about home made xmas presents that don’t suck too much.  i will do my best to pop on and say hello as often as i can.





[black friday] balance restored.

30 11 2011

black friday when all nuts this year. some stores opened at midnight, some at 4, some at 6… all of which made it nearly impossible for me to form a workable plan for a pleasant shopping experience. what was i supposed to do, hit the old navy and the target at midnight and then hang out at the denny’s until the mall opened?

NO. my digestive system could not take such a beating (although i still really do want to try out that grilled cheese with the mozzarella stix embedded inside, even though i know it’s wrong)!

i considered just hitting the midnight store and then going back later in the morning… but that also seemed less than ideal in terms of efficiency. so i decided to do something a little different this year- SLEEP IN.

it was actually kind of awesome. and then around 7, i leisurely got up, walked the dog, and headed to the mall. considering that i don’t need any big ticket electronics, and all the cheap movie titles were complete crap, it wasn’t like i was missing anything anyway (other than shivering in the cold with a bunch of other cranky folks who are more than willing to elbow you in the throat to get the last creepy stalker barbie).

and since i had already slept through the “best” deals, i also felt little pressure to hit the big boxes and try to scrape up what was left. so i just went wherever the hell i wanted regardless of big signs yelling DOORBUSTERS! and here is what i got: Read the rest of this entry »





suck-o-ween is where it’s at.

24 10 2011
http://www.wholesalehalloweencostumes.com/adult-costumes/sexy-costumes/80s-costumes/ML70299-includes-dress-hat-glove-and-knee-highs.html

why yes, i am dressed as michael jackson if he were a low rent hooker.

as you may have noticed at this point, i’m not a big fan of commercial halloween costumes. not only do they tend to be poorly made and overpriced, but they are unfailingly a train wreck of bad ideas, tasteless jokes, and misogynistic clichés. either that, or they’re straight up stupid. in short, THEY SUUUUUCK.

every year, i like to do a little roundup of all the worst possible halloween costumes available on the retail market, and attempt to convince the masses that they’re so much better than the slut and dick joke parade, and hopefully inspire them to go home made or go home.

here is this year’s evidence… Read the rest of this entry »





acid flashback.

24 07 2011

i am a child of the 80s. when i was born, video stores didn’t exist. but by the time i was 6- BAM, there they were. you could rent an atari 5200, or any one of tens of titles on VHS or betamax.  as a young child being seduced by the glory of in-home movie viewing (commercial free!), there were precious few titles available in the G ratings bracket in 1984.

also, my comprehension of the english language was still in its formative stages. so, i relied entirely on movie box pictures to make my choices. i was particularly obsessed with the movie above: angel- high school honor student by day, hollywood hooker by night.

obviously at 6, i didn’t know what a hooker was. i merely saw pretty shoes and shiny hot pants. what could possibly be inappropriate? my older sister and i would BEG repeatedly for this movie every single time we went to the video store… never fully understanding why we were being shut down. unfortunately,  being the prudent parent that she is, my mother never caved.

flash forward 25+ years later.

despite being readily available on netflix (with a 4 star recommendation based on some other hilarious movies that i’ve watched), i have never managed to view it as a consenting 17+. actually, i had forgotten about it entirely for many many years (it would fade slowly from local video stores to be replaced with “higher quality” fare usually starring eddie murphy in a fat suit). until…

LAST SATURDAY. Read the rest of this entry »





welcome to purge-atory. (part 2)

13 06 2011

the ever mounting "TOSS" pile.

purge weekend certainly did not unfold completely as planned. whereas my paperwork stash did make significant gains (via significant losses), i mostly succeeded in moving things from one shelf to another, and squinting a lot at my shelves while attempting to determine exactly how i wanted things to look. i did scrape off a good chunk from the living room bookcase (which has been notoriously overrun with crap since day one), much of which actually ended in the donate pile (see inset).

i also nearly broke all of my bones falling off the counter… which i was standing on in socks (socks are slippery) to clean out my kitchen cabinets. but did find yet a few more things that can go (if anyone wants a popsicle mold shaped like rocket ships, you might want to hit the forest ave. goodwill this week).  it was probably worth the almost shattered pelvis.

after that though, things kind of unraveled. i was off to old port fest for fried mushrooms and panic attacks (WHERE DO ALL THESE PEOPLE COME FROM?), and then accidentally ended up having beers for 6 hours with some very smart and chatty friends. needless to say, when i stumbled home around 11:30, i was in no mood finish putting my toys away.

still, some positive things have still emerged from this somewhat wrecky purge weekend:

1. laura at fore front fashion has graciously offered to show me the ways of fashion minimalism. (can you say closet gutting session?)

2. the boyfriend actually did keep his promise and got all of his shit out of the living room.

3. 2 loads of trash and goodwill donations have already left the house, with the promise of more to come over the coming week.

4. i used my hangover as an excuse to eat cheesy pazzo bread for breakfast.





secret stash.

9 06 2011

so, i wrote a post for the goodwill of northern new england blog today about my insane vintage fabric collection… but i’m not sure when it will be put up. unfortunately, my broke207 post for today is the B side to that post. and of course,  i don’t have a back up plan.

so today, you’re just gonna have to watch the outtakes of the of the movie before you actually see the feature attraction.

i’ve been watching a lot of hoarders lately, and it is SCARING THE CRAP OUT OF ME. i’m a shopper, a collector, and a lousy housekeeper. i do actually delight in throwing/giving things away, and my house is never so messy that it can’t be cleaned in an afternoon… but as a card carrying member of the OCD club, i worry that something traumatic could happen and all of the sudden that switch could click on in my head and *bam* i could be living in this. Read the rest of this entry »