NSFL: uterine artery embolization is horrible and disgusting PART II

16 04 2012

when last we saw our heroine (that’s me), she was smacked out in a hydromorphone haze, leaving her bed only to go to the bathroom (and frequently), get water or juice, or take more pills. i couldn’t walk my dog (trusty nurse zak to the rescue!), put on pants, or eat food of any kind.

at this point, the only major pain was in the gaps between pills if i overslept or forgot. i can’t tell you how many times during those first few days i couldn’t remember whether or not i actually took my pill or not. sort of like those groggy mornings where you can’t remember if you shampooed your hair or not. unfortunately, i would have to err on the side of not taking the pill at all- rather than take a double dose. poisoning myself is a slightly greater concern than too squeaky hair.

but then on tuesday, i sort of woke up. mostly lucid for the first time in days, my first thought was- WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH MY MOUTH?

again, if you’re about to bite into a big sandwich or you want to ask me out on a date- now is the time to debark the story.

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delirious.

5 08 2010

it’s hot out. 100% humidity hot. like getting angrily smothered with a hot airline towel by someone with a fever who hates you a lot hot. now, i live in maine and i always have. thus, i am not biologically programmed to be able to deal with such conditions. point being, tonight i was supposed to write a companion article about cheap booze to the food post i did last week. instead, i lapsed temporarily into a humidity induced coma (sort of a sloppily splayed out half conscious fever state where my only awareness was how uncomfortable i was, and how my uncurtained windows were giving my neighbors a pretty excellent beaver shot) on my couch for about 2 hours completely unable to move. miraculously, i was finally able to pry myself from the semi-catatonia into a more mobile delirium that allowed my sweaty ass to be propelled into a cold shower (too smacked out to notice that there were no towels- only wash cloths in the bathroom- again, sorry neighbors), but i’m still not right. barely able to smash my hands against the keyboard, it has taken me roughly two hours to tap out this marginally coherent message in between nodding off and getting distracted trying to find a picture to go with this post. by the way, typing the word HOT into google images with the safesearch turned off will get you nowhere. the word FEVER on the other hand, will take you directly to ted nugent. anyway, you’re not getting a post about anything worthwhile. instead, i will fill the space where the real post should go with my insane scratchings and ted nugent jokes. that’s all you get. it’s hot, i’m crazy, and you’ll survive.