the dam breaks.

6 05 2010

you would think that after the ridiculous amount of money that i spent on eating out last month, i would have been able to do some thoughtful self assessment and reigned it in a little. yeah, thoughtful self assessment isn’t exactly my strong suit. although i do spend a lot of time wishing that i was one of those people who got off on self denial. too bad wishing is a statistically poor way to accomplish your goals.

i’ve actually been quite good with the eating out thing lately, but i’ve slid my attentions over to the retail sector. it starts with a perceived need, for example: i’m too fat for all my summer clothes, and it’s starting to get hot out. although regardless of my pants size, i always get hit with the spring shopping fever and buy everything in sight. i think we’ve already established that i’m top notch at making excuses to do things that are self destructive.

ok, so first i get the fever, and then a shopping wormhole opens in the universe, and beckons me to climb in. this weekend, one opened up in the form of the old navy 30% off the entire store sale. hello 30% off INCLUDING CLEARANCE. maybe i would just stop in for a minute. and by a minute, i mean several hours and two different stores.  the spoils:

3 cardigan sweaters
1 pair of skinny jeans
1 mini skirt
1 sundress dress
1 wide belt
1 pair of metallic flats
9 pairs of underwear

total $110- excellent deal for all that stuff (which might i add is SUPER CUTE), but do i have $110 in my budget for clothes right now? um, no.

under any other circumstances, i might have been ok to lay off for a bit after the first binge… but this week has been tough. i’ve been crazy busy. not sleeping, overexerting myself, not eating as well as i should. and then today i had a little bummer life blip that took me down hard. if i wasn’t so overtired and stressed out, it might not have bothered me at all. but instead, i spent cinqo de mayo crying into my tequila. oh, and shopping.

fuck you kohls. you are far enough away that i don’t think of you often. there is nothing else at your strip mall that tempts me to your area. but today somehow an underwear shopping pit-stop before dance class turned into mass consumption fest given 30 minutes and 80% off signs all over the store. fuck you one day sale.

my shame:

1 retro dress
1 sexy secretary skirt
1 pair spectator oxfords
1 pair canvas booties

total: $58- once again, not that bad… but didn’t i just buy 5 PAIRS OF SHOES? in an act of momentary insanity, i unhinged from my sadness and disappointment, and hinged onto the goodness that is buying whatever you want whenever you feel like it regardless of the consequences.

it’s not that i can’t afford $168. especially for some clothes that fit me and help me look less like a hobo at work. but how i buy them (indiscriminately throwing things into my cart… um, 3 cardigans? 3 pairs of shoes?) seems like the issue. sure i’m paying my bills on time… but something just feels amiss. i suppose it’s better than drinking (i cut myself off after 1 cinqo de mayo margarita), or stuffing my fat face with butter, or going out and having dirty sexy times with random strangers…. but seriously, what do healthy people do? either way, i’m coming clean.

**UPDATE** feeling slightly better today. probably because these $18.99 spectators are so f-ing CUTE (and entirely not made of meat).





true life- i watch too much true life.

27 04 2010

thanks to a little gentle prompting by the lovely kate over at a sweet disorder, i spent a good chunk of my evening eating pierogies and watching episodes after episodes of MTV’s true life.  i don’t have cable, and i had NO IDEA that there was such an amazing trove of free trash tv just waiting to be mined. next thing, you’ll be telling me that i can get toddlers & tiaras on hulu.

but anyway, sandwiched in between “i’m addicted to porn” and “i’m losing my hair“, i of course dug right the hell into “i’m a compulsive shopper“. wow, could they possibly find 2 worse human beings? so much ed hardy! so many polyester wigs! i have to say that watching this episode made the part of me that was worried about being a compulsive shopper a few weeks ago feel a lot better. i have never maxed out a credit card, never not paid my rent, never had my bedroom furniture repossessed, and certainly never stolen money from anyone (let alone my MS suffering mother) so that i could go buy hooker boots at the mall. seriously, even if you don’t have a shopping problem, watching this program will make you feel like a better person.

after the glitter coated tanorexic skank fest settled a bit (although you really do have to lay some blame on a father who consents to help his 18 year old daughter pay for her BOOB JOB), there actually was a small amount of useful information floating at the bottom of the barrel with the juicy sweatsuits and strip club desk jobs. it reminded me that there’s a group out there called debtor’s anonymous, that’s like AA for people who spend beyond their means. i was relieved to find out that i don’t meet the 8 out of 15 question requirement on their “do you have a debt problem?” quiz. but regardless, they had some interesting & useful information on their website on recovering from debt- whether you have a big problem, or not. sadly, not even DA couldn’t help these vapid tramps. but there’s no way you’re not already a better person, so i feel confident in saying that there’s real hope.