bargaining.

18 01 2012

so today i googled “7 stages of grief”. what i learned is that there are actually only 5 stages (not one of which is shopping). well, this website says there are 7, but it does so entirely in comic sans- which is in no way a credible way to deal with sadness.

but as i was saying before, i just finished up the shopping portion of my coping process, and am getting ready to start the packing stage. but in between these two critical stages comes BARGAINING. this past weekend, the ex and i spent an entire day walking around the condo staking claim to all of our worldly possessions.

he gets the “dead like me”, i get the “futurama”.

he can have all the bamboo spatulas, but the kitchen scissors are mine.

neither one of us will take ownership of the pink kitchenaid toaster with the broken handle.

it’s weird. now that all the yelling and crying at 4 am watching “sense and sensibility” stuff is over, only the practical sediment remains settled at the bottom. now, we’re both exhausted and forced by time constraints to be all “business time” (not the sexy kind) for a while. i strongly suspect that there will be more late night crying at movies when i’m moved into my new place, and the gravity of this life change smacks me across the face. but for now, everything is oddly calm.

perhaps as a true testament to our lack of compatibility, we split every single thing 50/50 without argument. sure, i was a little misty to see “legend of zelda- twilight princess” disappear in the “HIS” box. and he was equally heartbroken when i reclaimed a number of the entries in his “all paul rudd all the time” dvd collection. ¬†maybe he’s just smug because he gets to keep the tempur-pedic mattress? or maybe he really just does have terrible taste in everything (i did find a copies of “shrek” and “goldmember” that i had hidden deep in a closed cabinet because i was ashamed to let him put them on the shelf- yet somehow i let “k-pax” slip past the goalie).

or maybe, i assert my autonomy too much in relationships to the point where i can pretty much cut and run with all of my stuff at any given moment. this one was a little different. i bought a house (“we can just sell it and split the equity if i change my mind”). i got a dog (“i’ll just steal him in the middle of the night if i have to”). but even that time i got married, i didn’t change my name. i kept my own bank account.

well, this unearths a whole bunch of unfortunate questions about my commitment issues that i don’t feel like dealing with right now. maybe i’ll dive head first into the packing/unpacking stage until i’m ready for the bad internet dates phase. i’m pretty sure that’s where all the good stories are anyway.





weekend pickthrough- promises promises.

29 01 2011

so last week when i was having my writer’s block meltdown, the always marvelous infamousqbert made simple but brilliant suggestion- no matter what you do, take time to write every day.

in my constantly fluctuating sphere of interests, writing is my constant. the thing i want to do all the time,¬† even if it will never pay my bills… the thing i stay up until 3 am doing even though i have to work the next day… but lately, i’ve let myself get distracted and haven’t made adequate time for myself to write, and i need to change that.

on new year’s day, wordpress put out a challenge for bloggers to write a post ever day. initially, i was like “fuck that shit”. but i’ve given it some thought, and i’ve decided to go BALLS TO THE WALL. as of this post, i will officially be posting something every day for the rest of 2011 (or wordpress will send someone to break my kneecaps or something). most of them probably won’t be epic, and there will most definitely be some reposting of things that i write for other websites … but every day, even if it’s only a sentence or two, i’m doing it.

oh, and the weekend pickthrough is officially back in action. stupid links abound after the jump. Read the rest of this entry »





weekend pickthrough- everybody’s arrested edition!

20 06 2010

ok, maybe not everybody gets arrested… but a couple of people do, and some others SHOULD be arrested for crimes against humanity (i’m talking to you comic sans). this weekend picktrhough is dedicated almost entirely to all things ridiculous and terrible and worthy of scorn and mocking. so please, mock away!

if there was ever a celebriy arrest that i wanted to see happen, this is it. thank you universe for making it happen, and thank you onion for making all the right jokes.

my new favorite money blog, punch debt in the face, reminds us of how short the distance is between frugal and fruitcake.

comic sans isn’t just ugly, he’s kind of a dick. i’m going to make a bunch of new cooler fonts over here, and we’re gonna form a font gang and show comic sans where he can stick it (or at least make a lot of jokes about doin his mom).

nice work waterville, you’re in the news! (and, for the most hilarious porn heist to ever!)

will people never get tired of compiling websites of humanity’s greatest mistakes? let’s hope not.

ah yes, the marvelous and bizarre spoils of a mexican drug raid (can you say versace handgun?)

in a feat of unparalleled bravery, two dudes go into claire’s at the mall to see if they can find anything worth buying (for themselves).

i don’t remember the 90s being this ridiculous, but the huffington post shows me otherwise (i used to love the salt & peppa “shoop” video! now all i feel is shame).





weekend pickthrough- ramen invasion edition.

23 04 2010

serious eats gets very serious about the best bagels in maine (and you should be too).

kate at the blueberry files gets wasted on hipster lemonade.

a comprehensive flow chart picking the right type face for any occasion, except that i keep coming up with COMIC SANS. i love an unnecessary flow chart, but I HATE COMIC SANS!

if you’ve never seen tampopo, you need to do that right now in preparation for the noodle bar explosion about to descend on portland!

uh oh! those two faced coupons are talking shit behind your back, and you are NOT going to like what they’re saying.

with young people dressing more like old people all the time, it’s time to swallow that pride and head over to the boys department for some amazing deals on petite sized menswear.

chicken on top of chicken on top of bacon (with a side of cheese and mayo). KFC has gone hilariously too far. even more shockingly, the vegan version might actually be worse for you.

and speaking of vegan, the starbucks frappuccino will soon be officially available in a cow free version.

and finally… HOLY SHIT they’re building a bowling alley on the peninsula.