suicide blonde: a budgetary conundrum.

13 02 2011

the year after i graduated from college, i was making a lot of bad decisions. i spent my first six months of independence sleeping on a couch and living pretty much entirely off of yoohoo and cheez doodles. and probably some other stuff that i shouldn’t write about because sometimes my mom read my blog. anyway, on one particularly messy evening, getting drunk off of swilly cumberland farms beer (golden anniversary if i recall correctly), my friend megan held up a box of ultra blue, and beckoned to the bathroom.

well, it’s NEVER a good idea to color your hair while drunk, but going platinum blonde while even so much as tipsy can only end in UTTER DISASTER. first and foremost, my hair was splotchy like a leopard. apparently, it’s important to make sure you get total coverage, which is hard to do when you’re half in the bag. also, make sure that you don’t leave the bleach on too long, or your hair will end up a crispy mess than no subsequent corrective hair coloring will ever be able to cover.  i knew i was in trouble when a 4 year old girl looked at me and earnestly asked: “why is part of your hair black and part of your hair yellow?” Read the rest of this entry »





i’m wordpress famous!

19 05 2010

chances are if you are visiting my blog today, it’s because you got here from the wordpress.com landing page. you know, the one with the “freshly pressed” section where a random selection of blogs with provocative or interesting articles get a little pimp every few days? well, in case you’re in the 1% of my regular readers who didn’t wander here via the wordpress train, I AM ON THAT SHIT RIGHT NOW! (and i’m totally peeing my pants about it).

it’s funny actually, because a few weeks ago, i read an article entitled “5 ways to get featured on freshly pressed“. and i was all like “hell yeah i wanna be on freshly pressed”, what do i need to do? apparently, the answer was something about no typos and no adult content. considering that my blog is written entirely in lowercase, and is riddled (and i do mean RIDDLED) with profanity, i figured my chances of being picked were pretty much slim to none (leaning toward the none side). apparently, i was wrong. all i needed to do was write an inflammatory article about not paying for the education of my imaginary future children.

as it turns out, a lot of people have A LOT to say on the subject (some people’s responses were longer than my post!). at 62 comments and counting, i’m feeling completely overwhelmed (in an awesome way) by the response, but even more shocked that the majority of it has been positive. ok, one guy called me an idiot, and another person told me that my uneducated daughters would grow up to be whores (hand to god, you can not make this shit up), but mostly i was feeling the solidarity of so many people who just wished that they had put the secondary education on pause for a minute while they did some growing up.

i have every intention of answering all 62+ of those comments as completely and thoughtfully as i can. that said, it will probably take me a while.  so while you wait, in the absence of any neil diamondesque elevator music, please just accept my humble thanks for coming to visit and bothering to have anything to say (good or bad) about my insane ramblings (or if my thanks isn’t enough to keep you busy, maybe you can go look at this for a while). this has been the best blog day ever.