spending too little on too much.

14 06 2010

it was a spendy-ass sunday. took a little jaunt back to my hometown of augusta for brunch at the senator inn (a childhood fav that still holds up!), and a little light antiquing that turned into an entire day of shopping the town inside out. i got some pretty good deals that seemed necessary at the time… but seeing it all lined up at the end of the day (and added up), i start to wonder how much of my bargain shopping is really a bargain. i’m paying less for everything, but i’m buying more than ever.

shaw’s: 4 big G cereals @ $12.86 with $6 off when you buy 4 plus $4.40 worth of coupons ($.55/1 doubled from coupons.com) final cost= $2.46 for 4 boxes.

target: the liberty of london collection is on super sale at the augusta target and i snagged an adorable nightie for $8.98. there’s also a ton of zac posen stuff, but it’s not marked down enough for me to bother. give it another few weeks… i might have to go back to augusta and snag me a cocktail dress. i also found a mysteriously unblemished pair of striped espadrilles for $4.26 marked “AS IS”. their identical counterparts were just feet away in the full retail section for $16.99… maybe they’re going to explode in low speed collisions? i’ll keep you apprised if any defects should arise. lastly, i found a few boxes of puffs tissues with vicks vapo-rub in them (which i love but haven’t been able to find ANYWHERE- discontinued?) for $1.38 a box, and sacrificed 2 of my $.50/1 vocalpoint coupons. target total= an eerie $15.00 even.

big lots: to my credit, i did put back one movie and a $6 box of diet granola bars. but a $3 copy of funny face?! i have a list of movies on my iphone that i’m looking to buy. the problem being, that my price point for DVD buying is $5 of less, usually less. today i encountered 3 of those titles in the $3 bin. is there really anything else at big lots that’s even worth looking at? funny face, art school confidential, & confetti= $9.00.

goodwill: i used to own and love this jacket in another size that i am not officially too fat to wear. lo and behold, here it is at goodwill in brunswick for $4.99! oh wait, is that a yellow barb? make that $2.49!

cvs: i had $14 worth of extrabucks expiring tomorrow, and this evening was my only chance to cash in.  with the gillette proglide razors already sold out, i had to improvise a bit and use a few more extrabucks than i otherwise would have preferred. i ended up with a bunch or random crap (most of which will get donated), but it felt like a good haul considering the circumstances:

2 john frieda root awakening shampoos @$5 each with $3 ECB back when you buy $10 + $5/2 coupon= $2
2 right guard total defense deodorants $4.49/ea. on BOGO + $3/2 coupon from coupons.com= $1.50
1 covergirl wetslicks amaze-mint @ $4.99 with $3 ECB back, and $1/1 coupon= $.99
1 colgate proclinical toothpaste @ $3.99 with $2 back in ECB, and a $1/1 coupon= $.99
2 gillette bodywash @ $8 with $8 back in ECB and a $4/2 coupon= +$4 ECBs (the flier said limit 1, but it turned out to be limit 2!)
total OOP= $17.47 (paid $17 in ECBs + .$.47 in cash plus tax), received $16 ECBs

total spent this weekend (for all above pictured goods, not actually counting meals, groceries for the week, and a ridiculous failed dinner party that will never speak of again)= $29.42 of stuff that i didn’t actually need. on one hand, i could have spent a whole lot more on a multi-store shopping binge, and gotten a whole lot less. on the other hand, is spending $30 on anything that i don’t need really a bargain? it might be time to put the debit card away for a while and think about what i’ve done.





raising the roof.

26 05 2010

i wish i could raise the roof all 1998 style (can a get a woot woot?) about the process of getting a new roof, but it’s been all sorts of suck since day one. we hadn’t even had our condo for a full year when the water damage started. sure, they told us during due diligence that we would need a new roof in the next 2-5 years, but we figured we would have at least one recovery year before the giant assessment of doom descended upon us. but then *BAM*, 1 giant shingle ripping windstorm, and everything falls apart. our beautiful (and stupid expensive) brand new professional paint job reduced to a bubbly saggy mess in 24 short hours.

now not only was my heart broken about the paint job, but with one of the 5 units in our tiny little condo association undergoing foreclosure (meaning that the guy hadn’t paid mortgage or condo fees for 6+ months), i was also wicked pissed. why you ask? well, because when a condo association needs a new roof, and one of the units is in foreclosure… everyone else just has to pick up the slack and pay jerkface’s share of the bill. which isn’t so bad when it’s a $75 heat bill, but when it’s a $15,000 new roof- it becomes significantly more pricey. and thus, i become increasingly more filled with rage.

i suppose we were lucky enough to get that big chunk gifted to us by the boyfriend’s parents (although that too came with it’s own “complications” [ahem, demon dog anyone?]). but that still left us with $1,375 each to come up with by june 1st. the crazy thing is, i actually had it. there was almost $2,300 in my savings account, and for the first time in my life ever (i’d never been able to keep more than about $25 in savings at any given time), my emergency fund was actually ready for the emergency. so why did it feel so bad when i had to write that check? last night as i transferred the cash over to my checking account, and saw my hard earned savings dwindle down to less than $900, i felt a huge sense of hopelessness and loss. i had been doing so well. i had made real progress. i had felt so successful. and here i was again, back down to an almost empty tank.

i automatically have $100 a month put into savings from my paycheck, and then any other outside earnings, single check rebates, or other miscellaneous income have been getting thrown in there to boot. this was a good year, and between tax returns and freelance jobs, i was able to come up with almost another $1000 of miscellany to stuff under my savings mattress. i’m just afraid that this next year won’t be as kind, and that my race to have 2 months worth of living expenses in the stronghold could take another 2 or more years to build. i was so close.

i think i get it now. saving money is like taking prozac. it takes the edge of worry off of working and living in a world where expensive emergencies can streak across the road like a spooked deer at any time. sure, my new roof looks nice, will add resale value to my home, and will most hopefully prevent any future water damage… but it took a little bit of my security with it, and i think i’m going to be in mourning for a little while. *i’ll be in my room*





hot in the city

12 05 2010

when last you saw me, i was fleeing the shopaholics boutique in shame. BIG thank you btw to everyone who called that guy a douchebag and told me that they wouldn’t shop there! your support warms my black little heart. but onward… i still had like 20 minutes to burn before my dinner date, but needed to get my scorned ass out of there immediately. it just so happens that several of my sexiest lady friends were performing some burlesque at the recent sanctuary tattoo 10th anniversary party, and i thought it would be fun to get them saucy little good luck presents of some sort (which actually didn’t end up happening, but i did try!). but where does a girl go for saucy goods in this town that doesn’t also employ jizz moppers (i’m talking to you video expo) or carry bong parts (you too treasure chest)? the answer is nomia.

tucked up on the 2nd floor above a comfortable shoe store, you likely didn’t even know it was there (unless you’re in the habit of taking poorly lit stairways into the unknown).  but you should, because nomia is a super amazing woman-owned shop with a femme-centric approach porno and sex toys.  it’s white-glove clean, flatteringly lit, and laid out like a charming local bookstore- with the exception of the fact that the only genre is erotic. sure there are strap-ons and lube displays aplenty, but it’s very private (thus it’s 2nd floor location with no easily peepable windows), has women-only hours, and just feels comfortable, safe, and like a nice place to browse for all things rubber and vibrating. plus, they know what they’re talking about. there isn’t a question out there that will make them blush, and they’ve got resources and recommendations up yaz (pun intended).

i will spare both my mom and the other people who read my blog and actually have to look me in the eyes on occasion the details of what exactly i did or didn’t buy, but it’s irrelevant anyway. after my unceremonious dismissal from shopaholics boutique, it was so amazing to walk into a store that was warm, inviting, and cared about my needs. where the person behind the counter was more than happy to engage in a conversation with me, answer my questions, and even looked online for something i had asked about but they didn’t carry. and you know, i left that store with $22 worth of stuff i didn’t actually need (although i do firmly believe that good sex is an excellent investment), feeling good about my purchases and good about myself. my previous shame and anger had been equalized by good customer service. who knew? nomia FTW.





the dam breaks.

6 05 2010

you would think that after the ridiculous amount of money that i spent on eating out last month, i would have been able to do some thoughtful self assessment and reigned it in a little. yeah, thoughtful self assessment isn’t exactly my strong suit. although i do spend a lot of time wishing that i was one of those people who got off on self denial. too bad wishing is a statistically poor way to accomplish your goals.

i’ve actually been quite good with the eating out thing lately, but i’ve slid my attentions over to the retail sector. it starts with a perceived need, for example: i’m too fat for all my summer clothes, and it’s starting to get hot out. although regardless of my pants size, i always get hit with the spring shopping fever and buy everything in sight. i think we’ve already established that i’m top notch at making excuses to do things that are self destructive.

ok, so first i get the fever, and then a shopping wormhole opens in the universe, and beckons me to climb in. this weekend, one opened up in the form of the old navy 30% off the entire store sale. hello 30% off INCLUDING CLEARANCE. maybe i would just stop in for a minute. and by a minute, i mean several hours and two different stores.  the spoils:

3 cardigan sweaters
1 pair of skinny jeans
1 mini skirt
1 sundress dress
1 wide belt
1 pair of metallic flats
9 pairs of underwear

total $110- excellent deal for all that stuff (which might i add is SUPER CUTE), but do i have $110 in my budget for clothes right now? um, no.

under any other circumstances, i might have been ok to lay off for a bit after the first binge… but this week has been tough. i’ve been crazy busy. not sleeping, overexerting myself, not eating as well as i should. and then today i had a little bummer life blip that took me down hard. if i wasn’t so overtired and stressed out, it might not have bothered me at all. but instead, i spent cinqo de mayo crying into my tequila. oh, and shopping.

fuck you kohls. you are far enough away that i don’t think of you often. there is nothing else at your strip mall that tempts me to your area. but today somehow an underwear shopping pit-stop before dance class turned into mass consumption fest given 30 minutes and 80% off signs all over the store. fuck you one day sale.

my shame:

1 retro dress
1 sexy secretary skirt
1 pair spectator oxfords
1 pair canvas booties

total: $58- once again, not that bad… but didn’t i just buy 5 PAIRS OF SHOES? in an act of momentary insanity, i unhinged from my sadness and disappointment, and hinged onto the goodness that is buying whatever you want whenever you feel like it regardless of the consequences.

it’s not that i can’t afford $168. especially for some clothes that fit me and help me look less like a hobo at work. but how i buy them (indiscriminately throwing things into my cart… um, 3 cardigans? 3 pairs of shoes?) seems like the issue. sure i’m paying my bills on time… but something just feels amiss. i suppose it’s better than drinking (i cut myself off after 1 cinqo de mayo margarita), or stuffing my fat face with butter, or going out and having dirty sexy times with random strangers…. but seriously, what do healthy people do? either way, i’m coming clean.

**UPDATE** feeling slightly better today. probably because these $18.99 spectators are so f-ing CUTE (and entirely not made of meat).





rich207

28 04 2010

the boyfriend actually said something funny today (this is rare). this evening, as we were discussing our plans for the weekend, i said that on sunday i was planning on doing laundry and “official blog business” all day sunday. and he responded, “that’s cool, i was planning on working on my blog all day too.” when i asked him what his blog was about, he responded “it’s called rich207, and i’m going to write about all the really expensive stuff i’m going to buy.”

for a guy who deeply loves fart jokes, this is really A+ material.  also, it also got me thinking about how hilarious it would be to have an alternate universe blog called rich207, and what kind  of jazz would be featured on said website.  well, if i were debtless and looking to spend my surplus cash on local tomfoolery… here’s pretty much what it would look like:

if you’re looking for stupid-amazing antique jewelry, stonehome estate jewelry on exchange is the place to go. and when it comes to high class baubles, the more ludicrous and unnecessary, the better. try on this truly unbelievable platinum, gold and diamond jockey brooch for a mere $3,500. you’d have to return 23,333 empty carlo rossi bottles (@ $.15 each) for that kind of scratch.

i make do with cheap polyester knock offs at forever21 because i have to. but if i had walking around money that i was actually allowed to walk around with, i’d be heading my ass over to the black parrot on middle street for easily the best looking/most interesting/smartest higher-end clothing in town (sorry helene m., if i have to see one more precious pair of tory burch flats- i’m gonna commit homicide). watch me elude the police in this fully hot thunder & lightning dress by risto for $655.  that’s a scant 43 $15 back-alley handjobs (let alone how quick you’d work it off  you upgraded to BJs!)!

after all the spending, i might need to sit down for a while. possibly in my new womb chair with ottoman from addo novo on congress. there’s actually a catalog called design within reach that has the same chair. since when is $3793 “in reach” for anyone? this rich207 bullshit is starting to make me agitated… that’s 222 hours humpin the stripper pole (state average for exotic dancers is $17.06/hr) to pay for one chair. what if need a set?

while i’m there, i might as well just wander upstairs and throw down for a little downtown real estate. wow, $469,500 for a 1,500 SF uber-modern congress street loft? a giveaway! why that’s only 18,780 pints of blood plasma (they have a variable scale from $15-$30 so i thought that $25 was a good middle ground) at the portland biologicals in lewiston. at the maximum 2 pints a week, you’d be paid off completely in a short 180.6 years!

conclusion= rich207 is for assholes, and they can stay in their parallel asshole universe.





DIYikes.

13 04 2010

i like to think that i’m pretty handy. i can cook, sew, take on minor home repairs, write a kick ass resume, open jars, list all my US presidents in order in under 20 seconds… i’m completely capable of doing a myriad of assorted tasks, both in and out of the home. taking into account these skills and combining with my cheap/broke factor, one might assume that i’m a DIY junky. surprisingly, one would be wrong. very wrong.

i’d like to make something abundantly clear here today: DIY projects are only a good deal/idea if  you actually have the skill to execute them on the same level as a professional. sure, it might be slightly cheaper in the moment, but  is a few bucks worth the heartbreak and shame (and often additional cost of having the mistake professionally fixed) that often come with a botched DIY job? i think not:

1. prom dresses. prom dresses these days are stupid expensive, so it may seem like a perfectly reasonable idea to cut a few corners and make one yourself. your daughter may even be excited about the prospect of designing her own gown. DON’T DO IT. unless you’re a tailor (in which case be my guest), formal wear sewing is exceedingly difficult to do in a way that doesn’t scream “my mom doesn’t sew that well!”. even if you are a tailor, for the love of god, give your teen limited input on the creation. teenagers have bad taste, and are often trying to slut things up with glitter and inappropriate cutouts.  but seriously, just save yourself a lot of time (you’ll be up all night the night before the prom guaranteed) and heartbreak, and take your child to the g-d mall. someday you’ll both be glad that she wasn’t humiliated by your sub-par sewing skills, and that she didn’t attend the prom looking like a day shift stripper or solid gold dancer.

2. salon services. hey, did you know that you have to be licensed to work in the beauty industry? i wonder why that is? the excessive amount of home beauty systems available at the drug store would lead us to believe that we as unlicensed individuals are capable of doing everything from hair coloring to bikini waxing at home as well as any paid professional. why would we waste the money? well, if you don’t mind having orange highlights or a mangled moustache area, be my guest.  the quality of salon products is higher, and surprise! they know how to do it right. i speak from experience! i personally have given myself (on multiple occasions) something that looked like bloody crotch hickeys trying to wax my own bikini area. i have also had big brown splotchy patches of hair for several months when i got drunk in college and decided to become a blonde. admittedly, factoring out the alcohol will help, but not that much. also on the list of at-home personal care “must avoids”: anything you would usually have done at a plastic surgeon’s office (injectibles!), self tanner, and of course, home vajazzling.

3. home repair. that’s right, you are devaluing your home with every single hatchet jobbed home improvement project you attempt. once again, home repair professionals are also licensed for a reason. they’re also expensive for a reason: quality home improvement is both difficult and time consuming. if you’ve never laid tile before, chances aret that it’s more difficult to get those lines nice and flush than you might think (especially if you’re using an assortment of bargain basement tiles). we got a great deal on our condo partially because it was filled to the roof with badly installed (and completely inappropriate) tile, lazy paint jobs, and highly questionable electrical configurations (lucky for us, the boyfriend’s dad is a LICENSED electrician).

4. gifts. oooh. nothing guarantees a fast track ticket to the goodwill like a crappy home made gift. i’m not talking about adorably lopsided hand turkeys and xmas ornaments from children, we love those! nor am i talking about beautifully hand knit sweaters, stunning quilts, or incredible baked goods from friends and family that have the skills. the key word here is SKILLS. if you are not the creative type, please don’t think that you can just whip something up with stencils and craft paint that someone is going to cherish for a lifetime. more likely than not, it’s going to cause an awkward moment or two before they hide it in the back of their cupboard just long enough for it to be socially acceptable form them throw it away. some classic non-nos:

wine glasses with crap poorly painted on them.
smelly candles with seashells trapped in them (or worse).
anything that involved you glue gunning something to something else.

seriously, people hate this shit.

in summation, put that sawzall down, scoop up your dignity, and put that money back into the economy where it belongs by supporting yourself some trained professionals and local businesses. there are a million different ways to save money, but trust me, using your own unskilled labor isn’t one of them.





powered up.

15 02 2010

well, after a promising start, i’ve certainly broken the seal on losing at gambling. so far:

$36 spent on scratch tickets- $28 won.  -$8

$25 spent online gambling- $0 won. -$25 and a whole bunch of ridiculous hassle.

next weekend is the foxwoods trip, but i figured i needed to knock another item off my list as february is rapidly coming to a close. in comes powerball. i mean- POWERBALL!! i bought 4 random pick numbers today at the scary 7-11 on washington ave (you know, the one where you can get sponch?), and now i guess i just wait until wednesday.

not very exciting at first, but then you stare at your ticket for a while and realize that the next jackpot is valued at $40,000,000. that’s some serious walkin around money. and you start to fantasize about what you would do if you won the whole pantload… sure i’d buy my mom a house, quit my job and go to medical school, go see the pyramids…  probably the same stuff that all lottery winners do. but then what?

i could trade in all my regular clothes and start lounging around in something a little more fabulous. (that is assuming that i can buy some sort of pill that makes me never have to go to the bathroom- because the logistics here aren’t working for me).

i could be driving one of these puppies (just like dolly in straight talk). although i should probably hire someone to teach me how to drive first.

i could try do buy a date with this guy. as long as he promises not to wear this. (orange turtleneck? really?)

hell, i could get myself some diamond studded brass knuckles and go apeshit. (ok, they’re diamonique- but i could commission that shit if i had 40 mil).

you?





$5 a pill.

2 01 2010

no, it’s not the street value of the valium you found in your mother’s drawer (that’s more like $2-$3 )- it’s how much i used to spend on my acid reflux medication when i didn’t have insurance. don’t get me started on what’s wrong with the current health insurance situation in america… i have experienced it firsthand! the 2 years i spent without it were some of the most horribly stressful of my life- and no small contributing factor to my current huge personal debt.  as it so happens, my parents are genetic minefields, and i’ve wound up with a host of non-life threatening but totally irritating chronic conditions that require daily medication:

1. debilitating allergies & chronic hives

2. acid reflux

3. athsma

4. ok, this one doesn’t have anything to do with my parents- but i am also on the pill. (genetic predisposition to not want to get knocked up?)

so when i stumbled across this article about low cost health care, i thought maybe it would have some helpful tips that i could share with other people who might be in the same position i was  a few years ago. maybe there were some resources that i hadn’t found on my own… OR NOT. this was the lamest article i’ve ever read. thanks for the tip on sending CDC e-cards… or getting free ice cream… what the fuck? somebody needs to jaunt over to the l.a. times and give francesca lunzer kritz a good smack in the mouth. i seriously can’t believe somebody actually paid her for that garbage.

but on to some things that are actually helpful! the l.a. times might not know shit, but i figured out a few things when i was slumming it (medically speaking) that might come in handy to some.

6 things you can do to lower your prescription drug costs:

1. go OTC. i once paid $152 for a medication that had already gone over the counter under a different name- and my doctor never even bothered to tell me. it is always worth checking with your doctor or pharmacist to see if any of your meds have gone over the counter. now, instead of $152 a month (or even $30 when i had prescription coverage), i pay $10 or less at the rite aid or cvs (depending on who has the better deal, and what coupons i can scrounge)- and with programs like rite aid zyrtec rewards, i often end up getting cash back.

2. go generic. if you can’t get it over the counter, ask your doctor or pharmacist if there is a comparable generic drug. most of the time, doctor’s aren’t thinking about the lowest cost option- and generally prescribe the name brand medication (which is always more expensive). there also might be a different similar drug that is a lower price.

3. beg for samples. in my most dire of financial straits, my doctor would always hook me up with (literally) bags of free samples when i explained to him my situation. medical offices get tons of them free from drug companies in an effort to get the doctors to pimp their products. a kindhearted physician will often use them to help a girl out.

4. hit the big box. both walmart and target pharmacies have big lists of prescription drugs that you can get starting at $4 a month, or $10 for 90 days. it doesn’t cover everything- but they both have a solid range, and the prices can’t be beat.

5. pay a visit to the planned parenthood. if you want birth control and you have no money, a visit to the planned parenthood is always in order. their services are generally on a sliding income scale. also, don’t forget to grab a handful of free condoms on your way out the door (university health centers are also usually good for such things).

6. check out the hospital outpatient clinic. because my doctor’s office is part of the MMC family, my doctor was able to write me a prescription for my meds (everything but the birth control) that i could pick up at the outpatient pharmacy at the hospital. they had a pretty wide selection, and i never paid more than $15 a month for anything.

really, the real moral of this story is always to TALK TO YOUR DOCTOR. they want to help you, but they don’t necessarily know about your financial situation unless you tell them. chances are, they have more than a few resources in their lab coat pockets that can help you out. also, don’t forget to cash in on those $25 gift cards that cvs & rite aid are always offering to bring in your new or transferred prescription.

you may have also heard about saving money by getting drugs from canada, or signing up for prescription discount cards– but when i looked into both programs, i wasn’t able to find any significant savings (only lots of hassle and additional monthly fees!). not worth it!

these 6 are the best ways that i’ve found, but i’d love to broaden the list if anyone out there knows any tricks that i missed!





bad habits.

28 12 2009

i am an avid reader. 1001 books to read before you die avid. books are beautiful,  cheap (i rarely pay more than $2 a book- but you can even get them for free here), always an adventure… i even love the smell. as a result of my bibliophilia i’m usually reading at least 2 at any given time (right now i’m reading a vintage nancy drew- “the double jinx mystery”, and “the woman in white” by wilkie collins), but every now and again, a girl gets a hankering for a magazine. a bright, glossy, advertising laden, throw away magazine. yum.

usually this desire overwhelms me at the grocery checkout. it’s roughly the same process as convincing myself that i need a candybar:

bad allie: oooh celebrity cellulite!

good allie: it’s $4, and you can read about it on the internet.

bad allie: but what about marie osmond’s diet tips?

good allie: east less, exercise more- that’s all you need to know.

bad allie: shut the hell up, i’ve had a rough day. *tosses magazine into cart*

only to get the magazine home, spend about 30 minutes gorging myself, and then toss it into the recycle bin. two $4 magazines a month- and i’m down $100 for the year. damn! the answer to this painful affliction is simple: SUBSCRIPTIONS!

magazines don’t make their money off the cover price, they make it from their advertisers- which is exactly why subscriptions to most magazines are so cheap. every january, i subscribe to at least two magazines so that i am less tempted to toss the glossy rags into my cart on my way through the express lane.  sure, i occasionally fall of the wagon- but absolutely less than $100 worth. this year’s selections: readymade (most adorable artsy-craftsy magazine ever) & nylon (pretentious urban hipster bullshit- but so pretty!)

amazon.com almost always rocks my socks off with their subscription deals, but they are currently running a hot promotion where you can get and additional $5 off a whole bunch of different mags from playboy to mental floss. i got $3 off of nylon, and $5 off of readymade, making the grand total for both around $14 (which definitely leaves a little wiggle room for the occasional check-out line indescretion).

some other sexy deals:

1 year of vegetarian times for $7

1 year of dwell for $15.95

2 years of all you for $15

2 years of complex for $5

2 years of harpers bazaar for $10

oh, and a whole bunch of fucking cat magazines for people who probably don’t enjoy my blog.





binge eating.

27 12 2009

i am constantly trying to do 2 things (with varying degrees of success): save money and lose weight, and right around xmas time i always give up completely on both.  as evidenced by the cheesy popcorn and $138 dollars consumed this very afternoon

i should know better. this happens to me every year. i get so starved for personal shopping during xmas (compounded this year by shopping for the  burlesque), that as soon as i’m left to my own devices- i explode and tell myself that i need to buy everything RIGHT NOW! it’s like being on a starvation diet- at some point, the dam will break, and everything will go to hell (usually me cleaning out the fridge with my face, or me buying a bunch of crazy crap). the worst thing is that i am somehow able to convince myself that i deserve it- that i am entitled to this wallet draining and overstuffing.

the truth is that i haven’t balanced my checkbook in over a month, i have no idea how much money i really have (or need to get through the month)- and just like my rapidly expanding waistline, i don’t plan to do anything about it until january first. what the hell kind of f-ed up mentality is that? we can always start over tomorrow, or monday, or next year- but how many dollars and calories are lost while we’re waiting for our perfect “start over day” to come?

it’s simple. i need to do 2 things:

1. stop starving myself so that i stop needing to binge.

2. when i do binge, get right back up and start over immediately.

perfection isn’t really an option (as much as i might like it to be), but i’m pretty sure i can muster up the effort and willingness to keep trying to get better if i allow myself to accept the (sometimes) discomfort of the reality that is moderation.