the definition of disenchantment.

12 01 2010

yeah, i’m talking to you rite aid-¬† sure, you puff up your pages with in-ad coupons and sweepstakes seduction, but the truth is that you have fuck all to offer. i want to participate in the game of life god dammit! and this is all i got:

rite aid:

post cereal @ $1.99 per box. use the $1/2 from the 12/6 smartsource- $1.50 a box is reasonable.

zest, ivory, or safeguard multi-pack @ $1.99 with a $1/1 coupon from the 12/27 p&g brandsaver= $.99 soap. meh.

with the $1/1 in-ad coupon and the $2/1 lubriderm from the 1/10 smartsource, some cheapish lotion is sure to be found.

cottonelle moist wipes $.50/1 in-ad coupon + a $.50/1 coupon i have from god knows where… $.99 is actually pretty good- but the grand scheme is still pretty lame.

ge soft white lightbulbs are free at least after single check rebate…

i don’t even think i want $25 worth of stuff, so much for this MAINE-CENTRIC $5/$25 rite aid coupon ūüė¶

seriously, this is as ultimately frustrating and unsatisfying and jr. high dry humping. balls! now i’ll never win the game of life!





dollar menu.

6 01 2010

what’s this about the best things in life being free? i suppose they’re probably talking about love and shit. if that’s the case, i guess they’re right… but stuff is nice too, and stuff costs money.

last night i was pawing through the rite aid flier trying desperately to figure out what i was going to pick up today to get more “game of life” pieces before they disappeared completely, and i saw that carmex was on sale for $.99. cherry carmex no less! i’m a hardcore chapstick junky, and carmex is one of my very favorites. what can i say, new chapstick always makes me happy (too happy?). and somehow thinking about my inappropriate lip balm lust made me think about all of the things that cost a dollar or less that bring me great joy:

1. paperback books at goodwill. a weird thing to know about me is that i prefer paperback over hardcover . maybe it’s because they’re smaller and it means i can fit more in my apartment. or maybe less guilt in cracking the spines. or maybe it’s just that dust jackets are a nuisance. regardless, nothin is nicer than scoring a hot vintage classic for $.99 ($.49 if it’s on sale).

2. wendy’s biggie french fries. i remember wendy’s being the forerunner in the dollar menu revolution, and digging for couch change to get frosties when i was a freshman in high school (wendy’s was the only walkable fast food chain from my house). nowadays on the peninsula, there is gratefully no walkable fast food.¬† but any time i’m having a hardcore grease craving, i can always bribe the boyfriend into driving me out to the wendy’s for what i consider to be hands down the best fast food french fries- for one small dollar (and they’re totally vegetarian).

3. dollar store pregnancy tests. because they’re a punchline in and of themselves. because who would actually buy one and expect accurate results? because they always give me something to giggle about every time i’m at the dollar store.

4. itunes. i’m a greatest hits girl. i can name maybe a handful of whole albums that i love all the way through- but usually, i just buy the one or two songs that enchant me and tell the rest of the album to go screw. before the mp3 took over the universe, my only real single song options were cd (or tape) singles (or 45s even!)- and the selection was always rather limited. thank you interweb. now i can log onto itunes from my phone and for $.99, i can download that song that i heard on the radio this morning that i can’t get out of my head. also, even if that song is by miley cyrus (i’ve done it!), i can survive with the pride that i didn’t pay for the whole record.

5. scratch tickets. i’m not really a gamblin man. when i go to casinos, i mostly play slots- and i don’t ever play more than i think the entertainment of pulling that handle is worth (usually about $20 before a i get bored and hit the bar). that’s why i love scratch tickets. scraping that silver stuff off for the (though highly unlikely) possibility of¬† a big win is totally worth $1 to me. plus, they’re always named hilarious things like: “peng-wins” and “moo-lah money”. also, a good chunk of the money goes back into the state, so it’s like a charitable donation with a side of fun.

6. ramen noodles! not even close to costing a dollar (i think the going rate is $.17), and so delicious. i know i’m one of the few, the proud that didn’t max out on these babies during college- but i love salty! i love the noodles, and the oriental flavor is totally meat-free. however, i did think i was alone in this love until i found this article. if you can’t find a recipe in here that will help you and ramen find love again- then you are clearly not trying hard enough. come on, chocolate ramen?!

7. skee ball. champion of all old-school arcade games, i could play this shit for hours. and i’m terrible. but have you seen those tickets shoot out of the machine? exhilirating! and if you go to the jaw droppingly awesome fun-o-rama in york beach,¬† you can get 4 games for just $1.

8. word warp. ok, there are a lot of apps for the iphone that are cool… a lot of which are free, but this is hands down the very best app i’ve ever had. i downloaded it about 6 months ago- and i still haven’t gotten tired of it. i play it several times a day, every day, and it’s my absolute go-to “i need something to do with myself while i wait” activity. it’s really just a simple anagramming game, but it has a setting where you can switch the standard word list with the current (much more difficult) scrabble dictionary (you can even set the background to scrabble colors!). did i mention that i was a gigantic scrabble nerd?

9. mountain holler. mountain holler is the save-a-lot version of mountain dew. it tastes ok, but the main idea in this sentence is that it’s called “mountain holler”. also, it has its own facebook. (i’m a fan). oh, and i’m pretty sure it costs $.30 at the vending machine outside of the store on st. john st. while i’m here, i might also recommend the companion beverage (found at wal-marts), dr. thunder.

10. red box. even though i have 4 netflix movies, somehow there are always gaps in my movie-watching schedule (usually created by me not sending things back right way). redbox fills in those gaps with usually really terrible but pretty fun blockbustery type movies that i would generally never rent, except that i want to watch a movie… and i’m at the grocery store… and it’s only a dollar… so why not? the mummy returns again with friends and a monkey? bring. it. on.

did i miss anything?





less than zero.

27 12 2009

i’m doing a combination post for rite aid and cvs this week, because they both have fuck all to offer. i guess i’m not the only one who has an xmas hangover. maybe they’re just saving the big guns for the new year? i have my doubts. although i am pretty excited about the rite aid “game of life” promotion that is rumored to be on the way in 2010. but for now…

rite aid is utterly dismal:

kotex products: $2.99 with a $2 SCR & $1/1 coupon that i have from a source i don’t remember= FREE

crest toothbrushes & oral b toothbrushes: $2.49 with $1 SCR & $1/1 coupons from the 12/27 p&g brandsaver= $.49

8-pack rite aid alkaline batteries: $3 with $2/1 coupon that i got for registering for myriteaid.com = $1

*if you’re wondering why i glossed over the soy joy & oral b power toothbrush deals, it’s because i think that power toothbrushes are stupid, and soy joy bars give me intestinal issues (i know, gross).

cvs is looking moderately better than rite aid, but still not great:

colgate total toothpaste: $2.99 with $2 in ECB & a $1/1 coupon from the january all you= FREE

ivory soap 3-pack: $.99 with $1/1 multipack from the 12/27 p&g brandsaver= FREE

if i were to mystically get another $/$$ coupon via email or from the magic machine, i might also consider the following:

old spice or secret deodorant: 2/$4 with $1 back in ECB and a $1/2 old spice coupon  from the 12/27 p&g brandsaver= $1 each

pantene or gilette haircare: 2/$7 with $2 in ECB and $3.00 in coupons from vocalpoint that i never used *shame*= $1 each

dawn dish detergent: $.99 with a $.20/1 coupon from that omnipresent p&g brandsaver from 12/27= $.79

i know, unimpressive.





ho ho hopeless.

21 12 2009

i’m pretty sure that rite aid is mad at me this week… admittedly, i have been fooling around with cvs pretty overtly… but not a single thing for me to get this week- NOT ONE? since i can’t talk about the things i will be getting, here’s a short list of things that i definitely DON’T WANT:

1. scary baby doll. i don’t care if it’s 50% off. there are not enough percents off in the universe to make this not terrifying.

2. um, i think it’s supposed to be a reindeer, but am i the only one whe immediately thought xmas turd with feet?

3. need i reiterate the crushing shame and disappointment of the faux-pod?

4. these truly shiteous holiday pillows. it’s rare that you can really feel the synthetic fibers through a photograph, but rite aid photographers made it work!

5. um, prunes.

6. at what point does one say “light up rock! PERFECT!”? how are these still being made?

7. will rite aid ever be done flogging the sunggie? criminal!

8. it’s got not to be applebees. or chilis, or omaha steaks. seriously, they couldn’t even find an olive garden gift card to photograph?





the rite stuff.

20 12 2009

wow. rite aiding is hard sometimes. i think over the past month or so i was only remembering the sexy parts of deal mongering, not so much the part where (despite the fact that her nametag says “shift manager”) the checkout lady admits that she’s only been there for 6 days, and needs to call the manager over for every single one of your 5 coupons while the line piles up behind you… but it’s over now. i can’t say it was the grand success that i had planned (after all, the prell was long cleaned out after i got there), but passable for a bumpy re-entry for sure.

store #1 (topsham rite aid with trainee cashier)

1 42 count box of omeprazole: $19.99  minus a $5/1 in-ad coupon= $14.99
1 chapstick fresh effects: $2.99 with $2.99 SCR= 0
1 la looks gel: $.99 with $1/1 coupon= $.01 profit
2 nivea lip care: $2.99 each with a bogo coupon and a $2 SCR= 2 for $.99
sadly now expired $5/$25

TOTAL: after SCRs & coupons= $10.97

trip #2 (my neighborhood rite aid in portland)

1 42 count box of omeprazole: $19.99  minus a $5/1 in-ad coupon= $14.99
1 la looks gel: $.99 with $1/1 coupon= $.01 profit
1 scotch tape pop up hand dispenser (in hot pink!): $3.29 with $3.29 SCR
1 small container goldfish crackers (i was having soup for dinner): $.99
again, the now expired $5/$25

TOTAL: after SCRs & coupons= $10.97

GRAND TOTAL FOR THE WHOLE MESS: $21.94

not to mention the fact that this will put me over the edge on my “holiday gift of savings“, which gets me another $20 rebate. woot!

p.s. apparently there is a rite aid rewards card that i didn’t know about! what? apparently i get 10% off all rite aid brand products (that aren’t on sale), and 20% on the first tuesday of every month. not actually that exciting, but i’ll take whatever i can get.

p.p.s. according to my online research, this program has been in “test mode” for years and is not available in all markets. also, there does not appear to be any sort of set-in-stone policy regarding what the discount actually is (not even mentioned on their website). weird right? anybody else have one of these and know how it works?

*UPDATE* damn it, i was supposed to buy 2 of the scotch tape guys to get the rebate. balls!





phoning it in.

24 11 2009

since i’ve been phoning it in a bit lately as i am swallowed by the sequin covered monster lurking in my apartment, it’s only fair that rite aid should be doing the same.¬† i like to think that rite aid knows my movements… senses my needs and wants, and delivers the goods when i’m ready for them.¬† knowing that i don’t have the energy this week, rite aid was pretty low key- with a few easy deals i can handle on my lunch break:

1. first and foremost, my beloved omeprazole (42 count box)  is on sale for $14.99 with a $3 in-ad coupon for $11.99. which is a really good deal. if i buy 2- can i used 2 in-ad coupons in one transaction? i was thinking about rolling them up with the $5/$25 i picked up here. or here.

2. secondly, there’s a sweet $2/1 in-ad coupon for neutrogena skin & body care. that’s pretty good anyway, but i also have a $2/1 coupon from the december all you.¬† $4 off something is bound to be cheap or free, plus, it’s pretty good stuff.

3. lastly, i’m always wanting to load up on cheap toilet paper. angel soft is passable in a pinch (although charmin is still my #1 preferred brand), and it’s $.99 for a 4-pack of double rolls. i’ve paid more for single rolls of gas station TP in emergency situations! if you held onto your $1/2 from the 9/13 redplum.. that’s 8 double rolls for $1!

a brief aside on the subject of toilet paper… is it completely wrong (usually if i have to ask, it totally is), that in darker days i have gone into the public bathrooms of businesses that i don’t like (mcdonald’s deserves to be punished for spraying their french fries with BEEF TALLOW!!!!) and stuffed a loose roll or two into my giant purse? technically, i know that stealing is wrong… but for a girl (or a guy) in a rough spot- this still sort of seems ok to me.





karmic balance.

19 11 2009

on the heels of my amazing rain-soaked rite aid adventure on saturday, i was flying high this week with what i thought would be an incredible take-down at the rite aid, and an easy extrabuck flip at cvs. apparently, sending that snarky email to the kinkos guy who screwed up my order must have thrown my karmic balance out of whack. or maybe things just can’t always be perfect all the time…

but rite aid was an ultimate clusterfuck. what was supposed to be so simple (coupons in order in a neat stack and ready to rock), turned ugly when my olay coupons (that i had used before at a rite aid in the exact same fashion!) went tits up.

kotex tampons for $2.99 with $2.00 SCR & $1/1 coupon from here. FINE

two 12 packs of quilted northern ultra something or other for $5.99 each with that $5/2 video values coupon, and even though they were for “soft and strong”, these two northern coupons went through JUST FINE.

crest with scope for $2.69 with $1/1 coupon from the 11/1 p&g brandsaver + double dip rebates (118 & 121) for a total of $3.69… FINE.

but then i got greedy. i wanted to use my $5/$25 (from redplum online a week or so ago), and those sweet olay quench coupons (bogo & $3/1) that i got in this month’s marie claire. with olay on buy one get one 50% off… i figured i could get $14ish worth of lotion for a mere $.74. ¬†but it was a mess. first neither of the olay coupons would go through (even though the product was CLEARLY pictured on the coupon). then, they took the bogo one off manually… except he took off the $3.74 50% off one, instead of the full price one. is that some sort of rule that i don’t know about? anyway, then the $3 off coupon wouldn’t go through and they couldn’t even put it in manually… i had been holding up the line for a good 15 minutes. i told the adorable (too cute for rite aid) clerk that i owed him a fruit basket. he told me that i should get fruit baskets for the people in line behind me. *ouch*

in the end, what could have been a very simple and lovely ¬†$8.66 OOP with $5.69 back in SCR, turned into $12.35 OOP instead. after SCRs, do you know how much i spent? EXACTLY $6.66. MY TRANSACTION IS POSSESSED BY THE DEVIL!! i may attempt an exorcism by bringing back the lotion. i’m sure that will be a mess too… i may also try to suck it up and take it as a lesson learned.

to make my deal suckage complete, it turns out that i got the advil deal at CVS wrong this week. in my head, i flip my $6.99 of expiring ECBs by buying one 100 count advil @ $7.49 ¬†and getting $4 ECB in return. turns out i had to buy TWO to get the deal. i got some useless CRTs for metamucil and crap (pun intended), no extrabucks, and i just don’t need another 100 advil expiring quietly in my medicine cabinet. boo-urns.





dedication.

19 11 2009

so on saturday night around 6 pm, in the midst of a torrential (although unseasonably warm) rain storm, i realized that i had neglected to do my rite aid deals for the week. i was sitting on my couch, checking out my coupons, and feeling like a jerk for passing up all those good deals… when i found myself digging around for my wellies and umbrella.

i got drenched completely, and got there half an hour before closing (double drunks!), but my deals went off without a hitch, and the cashiers weren’t even mad at me for going all coupon lady and shit right at the end of their shift. it was pretty kick ass.

but something i noticed as i performed my wet and frenzied (porn-tastic!) race through the store, was that even on the very last day of the sale- everything i was looking for was still there. not a single item was sold out.

if you’ve ever watched the miss america pageant, you’ll notice that miss maine NEVER makes it to the top ten. we don’t really do beauty pageants in maine. it’s not the new england way. similarly, i don’t think maine is a coupon state. i mean, people use them- but not the crazy deal-mongering that happens in other places. i recently read a post on the most beloved coupon goddess’s website where she was defending her honor from another local couponer who had accused her of “shelf-cleaning”. outrageous! then i read this post at coupons deals and more. the idea of getting up at the crack of dawn to guarantee the deals that i want is unthinkable. ¬†if i don’t get to my weekly deals by thursday, friday, or saturday, 90% of the time they’re still there. apparently, there are no shelf cleaners in portland maine. we may not have kroger, or meijer, or miss america- but we don’t have shelf cleaners, and i will take it.





rite aid, you know what i like.

15 11 2009

rite_aid_sky_signdespite 8 FULL PAGES of useless xmas crap (seriously- step away from the snuggie!), rite aid still has a few good things going on this week:

crest + scope toothpaste is on sale for $2.69 with a $2.69 SCR and a $1/1 coupon in the 11/1 p&g brandsaver. woot!

olay quench is on buy one get one 50% off. in general, this is unremarkable- BUT, marie claire had that bogo coupon for quench lotion plus a $3/1 coupon- which should equal free lotion- or close to it. on a somewhat related tip, my lucky magazine this month also had just the bogo coupon in it. lotion load-up extravaganza!

nut crazy! select planters, emerald, & blue diamond nuts are all on bogo. there’s some nice coupons for emerald in 11/8 smartsource ($1/1 & $1.50/2), and some ok coupons for blue diamond ($1/2) in the 11/15 smartsource. there’s no real available planters coupons (unless you’ve scored some tearpads), BUT in addition to the $5 SCR when you buy $15, you can double dip into the “put some jingle in your holiday” rebate- where you buy ten participating products and get $10 back. i should go and scope out how much they cost, but if they were $3 a piece, you could take out both rebates and break even.

free tic tac chill! on sale for $1 each + that $1/1 from the 9/20 redplum (that you might still have if you’re lucky). also under the same umbrella- mentos gum is also on sale for $1, and with a $.55/1, $.45 still ain’t bad.

holy toilet paper batman! ok, so quilted northern 12-packs are on sale for $5.99- good price… AND there’s a $5/2 rite aid video values coupon rockin’ right here… AND you can print out two of these babies (hopefully these work for the regular tp, not just the soft and strong… otherwise there was apparently a coupon in the 10/11 redplum that mainers didn’t get..)= 24 rolls of pretty decent TP for $4.98.

tresemme is on bogo this week too. if you’re still holding on to your $1.50/1 video values coupon from last month- you’ll be getting two products for not so much money.

arrid and arm & hammer deodorants are on sale for $.99! there’s never coupons for these, but if you need to pad out your order a bit in order to use a $3/$15 or something… these are great donate items.

garnier ultra-lift is $12.99 this week (seems totally reasonable next to the olay pro x-tra expensive line), plus- there’s a $5 SCR, and a $2.50/1 coupon in the 11/8 redplum. combined with that $3/$15 i was just talking about and a couple of freebies (tic tacs and toothpaste maybe?), you can take it home for $2.49.

oh, and if you didn’t already blow your $2 SCR load on kotex (like i did), you can get these bitches for $.99 (free if you were lucky enough to have a $1/1 from the october all you).

*UPDATE* the very savvy money saving maine-iac let me know that there’s a SCR for kotex just for this week- which means we can all do the deal again! also, money saving mom tipped me off to this sweet $1/1 coupon on ANY KOTEX! free maxi pad bonanza yo!





lazy deal danglin day (at rite aid)

8 11 2009

rite aidas usual, everybody and their grandmother always has a great run down of all the obvious deals and SCRs at rite aid this week, and finally, there are some deals i can live with:

1. i knew i was saving that bogo herbal essences coupon (from the 10/11 pg brandsaver) for a reason. shampoo, conditioners, & stylers are on bogo this week, and i’ll be picking up 2 for free.

oral b cross action manual toothbrushes are on lsale for $2.99 with a $2.99 SCR. roll it up with a $1/1 from last weekend’s p&g brandsaver, make yourself a dollar.

ge reveal lightbulbs 2/$4 with a $2 SCR on 2. that’s 2/$2, plus you can load up on a couple $1/1 coupons from the 10/4 smartsource, and get it all for free.

so i had to buy batteries for work the other day (is it totally unethical for me to cash in on single check rebates for things i buy for my office with the petty cash?), and they came with a $2 off coupon coupon for a 6-pack of ultra advanced batteries… which are now on sale for $6.99- with a $1/1 in-ad coupon to boot. that’s $3.99 OOP with a $5 rebate @ $15… which i will have met (including the work batteries). i know, i’m terrible.

oh, and i might pick up that $.99 chapstick shimmer (after ¬†$1.00 SCR) too… i do like the sparkles.

oh, and don’t forget this $5/$25 bad boy at redplum this week. 04101 does the trick.