get dressed!

15 03 2012

so enough bummer posts for a minute about fibroids and break ups. can we do a little something fun for a moment maybe?

maybe, we could go shopping.

and we’re not just going to go shopping. we’re going to go shopping for CHEAP, and we’re going to go shopping for a GOOD CAUSE.

southern maine dress for success needs your help!  in the midst of a pretty serious reorganization, they’re finding themselves with an excess of donated clothing and an almost complete lack of funding. it’s sad to see such a cool organization struggling to make ends meet- especially when it’s needed so much in this bunk economy. but we can help them out in the best way we know how- SHOPPING.

they’re having a big ass fundraising sale on saturday from 9-1 (details to the left), and the very best thing you can to do support their organization to come with dollars ready (or plastic. or checkbook. i was informed by amanda from misadventures in portland that the only thing they don’t accept is barter- so leave those chickens at home!) and a desire to score yourself some awesome new clothes (starting at $5!).

i will be there personally elbowing my way to the front of the handbag section, and i’ll be putting my scores up on the facebooks (showboating will be done). you should probably come and make sure that i don’t take ALL the good stuff.





valentine’s b-side- loving love is dangerous.

14 02 2012

so my real official valentine’s day post belongs to ophelia’s webb today, so you’ll have to go over there if you want to read that mess. but if you’re too lazy to click, the cliff’s notes version is that i love valentine’s day.

when was a little girl, i would spend weeks and weeks making home made valentines for everyone i cared about (long before romantic love could hover over me like a specter of death) and generally just thinkin about all the people i wanted to tell how awesome they are. as a teenager, i wasn’t always great at expressing my love for anyone or anything (picture it- 1992: black lipstick, kafka, ever present scowl), but for some reason, i let valentine’s day be the exception to that rule. and in fact, if i felt compelled to declare my affections to someone in particular, i would often wait until valentine’s day- and spend weeks or months thinking of just the right thing to say that would make them fall in love with me instantly.

this has had varying levels of effectiveness. and has, on rare occasion, gotten me into trouble. Read the rest of this entry »





[black friday] balance restored.

30 11 2011

black friday when all nuts this year. some stores opened at midnight, some at 4, some at 6… all of which made it nearly impossible for me to form a workable plan for a pleasant shopping experience. what was i supposed to do, hit the old navy and the target at midnight and then hang out at the denny’s until the mall opened?

NO. my digestive system could not take such a beating (although i still really do want to try out that grilled cheese with the mozzarella stix embedded inside, even though i know it’s wrong)!

i considered just hitting the midnight store and then going back later in the morning… but that also seemed less than ideal in terms of efficiency. so i decided to do something a little different this year- SLEEP IN.

it was actually kind of awesome. and then around 7, i leisurely got up, walked the dog, and headed to the mall. considering that i don’t need any big ticket electronics, and all the cheap movie titles were complete crap, it wasn’t like i was missing anything anyway (other than shivering in the cold with a bunch of other cranky folks who are more than willing to elbow you in the throat to get the last creepy stalker barbie).

and since i had already slept through the “best” deals, i also felt little pressure to hit the big boxes and try to scrape up what was left. so i just went wherever the hell i wanted regardless of big signs yelling DOORBUSTERS! and here is what i got: Read the rest of this entry »





weekend pickthrough- swapmaine hangover edition.

31 10 2011

we came. we saw. we SWAPPED. installment number two of the swapmaine citywide clothing swap went off on saturday afternoon like goddamn gangbusters (thanks especially to all of our donors, and our legion of impeccably dressed volunteers). we managed to scare up over 300 people, 3,000 lbs of clothing, and a whole fistful of money to donate to goodwill of northern new england! (we glow with pride)

of course, what we really want to talk about is what did we score?

sadly, i didn’t have too much time to shop in the chaos, but i did grab a few choice bits and pieces here and there

some of my favs are pictured to the left:

1. dkny silk maxi sailor dress (circa 1990ish)

2. YSL slik twill scarf (does anyone know how to get stains out of a silk scarf?)

3. amazing vintage slip

4. acid green heels

5. incredible glass brooch made by some company called “accessocraft NYC”

i also got a fistful of super soft racerback tanks, an olive green boatneck top from banana republic, a gold embellished t-shirt from j. crew, an unbelievable 90s print scarf, a printed cowlneck blouse, and a berry colored wrap sweater that makes me feel like a ballerina.  a totally respectable haul.

now before i move on to this week’s random ass links, i want to take a minute [imagine quiet voice here] to thank everyone who came out and joined in the madness. i hope you all enjoyed the bigger space and addition of snacks and raffle (FYI: whoever got the vintage jewelry lot is now my  mortal enemy).  and i just wanted to let you all know that as participants,  it is now your civic duty to take pictures of your amazing new things and send them to us (swapmaine@gmail.com) so that we can add them to our flickr and show them off to the world when we’re bragging about the superiority of our swap. adorable swap volunteer julia has already put hers up on her equally adorable blog, so GET TO IT YOU GODDAMN LAZY SLACKERS!

we also had our own roaming photog (thanks audrey!) snapping away during the event, so you should probably check back at the blog in a day or two to see if you’re swapmaine famous yet.

oh, but those links i was talking about… (because it’s almost 1 am, and i’m still a bit beat up and exhausted from all the swapping action). Read the rest of this entry »





suck-o-ween is where it’s at.

24 10 2011
http://www.wholesalehalloweencostumes.com/adult-costumes/sexy-costumes/80s-costumes/ML70299-includes-dress-hat-glove-and-knee-highs.html

why yes, i am dressed as michael jackson if he were a low rent hooker.

as you may have noticed at this point, i’m not a big fan of commercial halloween costumes. not only do they tend to be poorly made and overpriced, but they are unfailingly a train wreck of bad ideas, tasteless jokes, and misogynistic clichés. either that, or they’re straight up stupid. in short, THEY SUUUUUCK.

every year, i like to do a little roundup of all the worst possible halloween costumes available on the retail market, and attempt to convince the masses that they’re so much better than the slut and dick joke parade, and hopefully inspire them to go home made or go home.

here is this year’s evidence… Read the rest of this entry »





i’m panel of experts famous!

31 08 2011

everyone, i’d like you to meet bettysue higgins. this spring, a friend forwarded me this article from the kennebec journal. nothing too fancy, just your garden variety article about a 54 year old secretary embezzling $166,000 from the maine trial lawyers fund. you know, the usual.

over the forthcoming weeks, more and more information would come to light regarding bettysue’s “situation”. normally, i wouldn’t  bother paying too much attention to this kind of small town scandal. but as the details regarding the case began to trickle out, things got more and more bizarre. apparently, this was not bettysue’s first foray into embezzlement, having previously hijacked funds from a both a middle school hot lunch program AND a local little league.

but that’s just the back story. here’s where things got really weird: turns out, bettysue higgins was stealing all this money so that she could level up her character in an online game called yoville (from the same jerks that have infected your facebook stream with farmville invites). bettysue may have been living in a distressed property in the middle of a foreclosure, but in yoville, she was a queen (her character’s name was actually QUEENIE. no jokes). in addition to her queening duties, she was also an active member of the YOVILLE BUSINESS LEADERS ASSOCIATION. yes folks, that is something that actually exists. Read the rest of this entry »





weekend pickthrough- swapping your face off edition.

23 05 2011

so saturday was finally the big SWAPmaine clothing swap showdown, and it was all kinds of rad. by 10 am, there were over 50 people lined up outside (shockingly, everyone was polite, and not a single fist or elbow was thrown).  that said, it was a mad crush to get to the good stuff, and our perfectly manicured piles were heavily intermingled by 10:15, as clothes were heaved in all directions.

everyone seemed happy and left with bulging sacks (yeah, i just said BULGING SACKS) and the smug smiles of people getting something for nothing, and yet somehow magically benefiting charity at the same time.

by 4 pm, i could barely stand. actually, by 4 pm i was sitting in a big box of sweaters yelling “MY FEET ARE BIG”!

i could barely get home.

i made a rash decision to get burger king for dinner (their veggie whopper is the bees fucking knees).

but  regardless of my physical pain and exhaustion (swapping is a SPORT people), i still couldn’t shake the glow of all the amazing stuff that i had scored at the swap… and how glorious my transitional spring/summer wardrobe is going to be as a result.

i hope to do a full-on fashion show post at some point in the near future (probably for the swapmaine blog), but here’s a little taste of the kind of awesome shit that was available for those who chose to swap: Read the rest of this entry »





it’s unitard time!

10 05 2011

so there was a little mix up down at the old swapmaine farm, and two of us accidentally wrote a post about the same thing.  the solution, the crazier of the two posts (surprise!) has been quarantined to this blog. maybe you’ll enjoy it, it’s about unitards. however, if you’re looking for more dignified fare… the real post is scheduled to be released into the wild at midnight tonight on the swapmaine blog. perhaps you can write a 5 paragraph essay comparing & contrasting them.

T-minus 2 weeks until the swap, and you’ve probably been spending a lot of your free time running sprints and practicing packing and unpacking bags in preparation for the big day.  Well, if you want to be truly prepared for the blessed event, you also need to consider the perfect functional attire for the zero hour.

I would like to recommend the unitard.

Perfect for its speedy lack of wind resistance, and its sleek ability to fit seamlessly under any garment, the unitard is the ultimate solution to the clothing swap under-dressing conundrum. Coming in a variety of colors, types (mock turtleneckfull body?), and levels of shiny-ness, the only real feature that I find to be lacking is pockets. well, pockets and the fact that nobody actually looks good in a unitard…

So let’s be practical here. You probably don’t own a unitard (and that’s tragic, but let’s try to stay positive here), but the concept can be translated fairly easily into real-life apparel that will make your swapping experience a little bit easier:

1. Wear something close fitting. There aren’t really fitting rooms at the swap, so if you want to try things on, you will have to try them on over your clothes. If you’re wearing cargo pants and a bulky sweater, the effect could be misleading and infinitely less than cute. Leggings and a tank top, or even skinny jeans and  t-shirt work pretty well as a functional base layer.

2. Wear something lightweight. You’re going to be lading yourself down with sacks of new clothes, and any extra layers to carry around will just be burdensome. Also, all that swapping action is likely to generate a little heat. You don’t want to be sweating all over the swappables, or get tired and go home early because it’s hot and you’re cranky. Swapping is all about endurance.

3. Wear something cute. This in fact might be the most critical factor of all. Not only are Nate & Laura from Fore Front Fashion going to be wandering around snapping all the action, but you’ll also have the opportunity to get famous in our Swapperazzi photo booth. Just throw together your best swapped ensemble, step into the booth, and the fine ladies at Swap.com could put your picture up for the world to ogle.  So yes, cute shoes. (I personally will be throwing elbows to get to these).

in other swapmaine related news…

the swag bag donation list is getting sexier every day. although if these earrings don’t turn up in the bags, it’s because i stole them all.

early drop-off dates have been announced!  so if you want to get in for free, pick one and put it on your calendar. (i’ll be there the 19th if you wanna come say hello)





IKEAbus coma.

25 04 2011

today, i took the day off.

i phoned in lazy to easter, and spent the day on the couch cuddling my dog, watching lousy horror movies on netflix, eating stale tony’s donuts, and lapsing in and out of consciousness.

as a person who normally shuns sleep, and tends to work until she passes out on the couch on a nightly basis… i don’t give myself a lot of lazy do-nothing days. actually, i don’t give myself any.

i have to say that the IKEAbus could definitely be classified as a success. nobody yelled at me, or asked for their money back, no fist fights broke out, and nothing burst into flames or turned into radioactive ooze.  Read the rest of this entry »





a day at the derby.

23 04 2011

so, you’re not riding the IKEAbus. maybe you don’t need furniture, or you don’t have $30, or you have a pathological fear of bus bathrooms… or maybe you’re not just into my shit. whatever the reason, you may have some real estate available on your schedule today.

let me make a suggestion…

in addition to being IKEAbus day, today is also derby day.

but not the kind of derby with the fussy hats and mint juleps, the kind of derby with hot pants and ass kicking. i’m talkin about MAINE ROLLER DERBY bitches!

in the last few years, the maine roller derby scene has caught ON FIRE! and with names like mae snap and fist city kitty, it’s easy to understand why (well, easy for me). basically, if you love sexy fast paced brutality on rollerskates (and who doesn’t?)…

so tomorrow when you’re not riding the IKEAabus, consider taking your sweet self and your spending dollar ($13 at the door) on over to the portland expo at 6 pm to check out the big battle for ultimate rollerderby victory between portland’s own port authority and the boston massacre. i can promise that you will be bowled over by the action and the athleticism, and the fact that not even one of them seems to care if their fingers get rolled over at top speed. the soundtrack to the bout will be provided by todd the rocket, and some half time booty shakin from my favorite peeps at vivid motion.

there’s even a free post-party at the empire dine & dance .

not every town is awesome enough to have rollerderby, but if we want it to stick around, we’ve got to get out there and show these ladies our best fist wavin’ trash talkin’ beer swillinn’ SUPPORT!

*full disclosure- i have no idea if there will be beer or not. cursory google searches told me NOTHING.