an open letter to concord trailways.

9 08 2010

dear concord trailways:

back in my college days, i rode the greyhound with reckless abandon. so what if it had dirty pay toilets, and if i couldn’t get on the bus without some sketchy dude giving me his phone number.  2 hours smashed up against a window with an overly chatty seatmate whose only carry on luggage was a cardboard sign- NO PROBLEM (true story). guy across the aisle trying to look down my top while suggestively rubbing his groin area- CAKE (double true story). hey, is that a LIVE RABBIT in your tote bag? YOU BET (seriously, the greyhound is NUTS). when i was 19, it seemed like par for the course to spend my bus hours sweatily clutching a snapple bottle that i could smash against the window and cut anyone who tried to touch me. greyhound and i were old friends.

but somewhere along the way… maybe around the time i got my own apartment and could no longer wear my sweatpants to work… i found you concord trailways. with your spotless and airportlike bus terminal, free donuts and juice, and in-flight movie, greyhound was a mere smelly and uncomfortable memory. and it is that undying love and respect that i have for you now (there is no other bus in my mind), that brings me here to talk to you today. concord trailways, i have an AMAZING IDEA, but i can’t do it without you.

last week, my twitter friends @badlerory77 and @drwhogirl and i were having a little chat about going to ikea. unfortunately, the closest ikea is 127 miles away. it’s tough for portlanders. many of us don’t have cars at all, and for those of us that do have cars, most are not large enough to carry a billy bookcase home without 78 bungee cords and a lot of fervent prayer. this is where you come in, with your roomy cargo compartments and plush seats…

what if a couple times a month, you took us all on a trip to ikea? picture it- a sunny saturday morning, we could have snacks and watch a movie and finally all get a chance to load up on lingonberry jam and particle board furniture.  it would be the perfect combination of fun and convenience, all wrapped up in the solidarity of people who want good design but can’t afford to pay for it. all i’m saying is that i think it could really be brilliant, and i really want you to be a part of it.

you don’t have to answer right away, but promise me you’ll think about it. we’ve been together a long time… i think you owe me that much.

love forever,

allie.

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18 responses

9 08 2010
sweetersalt

When I lived in NY we took the free bus to the NJ Ikea one Saturday. As we’re waiting to depart, on climb 20 gentlemen that look like twins of the biker from the Village People. We then proceeded to watch them skip through the store, rolling on beds and having pillow fights for the rest of the afternoon. I will never forget it as long as I live.

Also while living in NY, I took the fung wa bus to Boston and sat down the aisle from a woman whose sole carry on was a quacking duck in a box. Ah, the good old days.

10 08 2010
bessmarvin

see! i was just saying that we need to make a short story compilation about people riding the greyhound. a duck! awesome. at least it was in a box. that rabbit was just roaming free… have you ever checked flickr to see if there is any photographic evidence of your village people ikea romp? i’d love to see that shit.

9 08 2010
Pook

What an awesome plan. I am a girl with no car who wants Ikea sooooooo bad.

10 08 2010
bessmarvin

exactly. we need this. and soon!

9 08 2010
megan

a. that’s a damned good idea.

b. i once took a greyhound from eureka, california to portland, maine. my ticket was a mere $47 for 82 hours of bussy madness. it was fucking awful and also a little bit wonderful.

10 08 2010
bessmarvin

thanks! “fucking awful and a little bit wonderful” is the most perfect thing anyone ever said about the greyhound bus. there’s a million amazing stories in those sordid rides. i’d love to do a short story compilation of people’s greyhound bus stories. i bet it would be a phenomenal read!

10 08 2010
Corey Templeton

Sounds like a great idea. If Concord isn’t interested then perhaps one of the bus companies that make runs down to the casinos in CT would be.

10 08 2010
bessmarvin

good call. i think i’m going to approach concord first, and see where it goes from there. it certainly won’t kill them to do a test month. it would be totally awesome if it worked.

10 08 2010
blackgirlinmaine

Hell yeah! I have a car, hell we have a SUV but thanks to my lousy driving skills and driving phobia nothing short of death will make me drive. Yeah, the man could drive me to IKEA but with the 5 yo in tow it would not be a fun trip so I would totally be all over this. We need a petition or something to make this happen.

I agree Concord Trailways is nice, when we first moved here I would go to Boston often and it was my preferred way to travel. Greyhound though is like hell on wheels.

10 08 2010
bessmarvin

the boyfriend has wheels, but that drive is such a drag! imagine how much fun it would be for a 18+ crowd of people watching a movie… maybe cocktails… chatting. we need to make it work! and you’re so right, i imagine hell and the greyhound bus have a lot in common.

10 08 2010
genna

great idea!!! they do this in manhattan where most people dont own a car either. Its totally do-able, and should really be done!!

10 08 2010
bessmarvin

i’ve had so much positive feedback, i’m totally going to email concord trailways to see if they’ll do it! fingers crossed.

11 08 2010
jjdactyl

When I first moved to Portland, I was still working for a dance company in Boston AND for the store up here. I was taking the Concord Trailways four-six times a week to get to rehearsals and things, and still working full time in Portland. It sucked. A lot. But riding that comfy bus, watching movies I’d kind of forgotten about, and listening to the silence that comes when everyone turns off their phones? It was magical. I looked forward to that time, because I could relax and sleep or read or just look out the window, and no one could bother me.

I would totally go on Ikea trips. Maybe not even to buy anything. Ikea is such a ridiculous wonderland.

14 08 2010
bessmarvin

ikea IS a ridiculous wonderland. so pretty! so cheap! i’ll be talking about it later this weekend, but it’s looking like a charter bus could actually work (concord turned my ass down). i’m hoping for movie, snacks, & booze. like a mobile ikea party.

11 08 2010
Wendy/DrWhoGrl

They have bus trips to casinos so I think why not IKEA. I guess as a last resort could make friends with someone that owns a van 🙂 We’ve had trouble fitting stuff in an SUV when buying a desk in pieces so do need room.

14 08 2010
bessmarvin

my boyfriend’s dad has an SUV that he lets us borrow when we need to buy ikea furniture, but the drive down is a drag. the drive back is worse. i want it to be like an ikea party- where nobody has to drive, there’s room for all of the furniture, and nobody has to tie anything to the roof with that ridiculously bad string.

30 12 2010
the gears are turning « broke 207

[…] ikea bus is fueling up! i talked about it many moons ago, but the wheels are finally turning (pun intended). the portland daily sun even wrote an article […]

22 04 2011
i am not a monster!!! « broke 207

[…] i first conceived the IKEAbus many moons ago, everyone seemed really excited about it.  it was positive vibes all around, and it […]

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