cheap slut.

23 07 2010

i know i’ve been babbling on about burlesque for a few weeks now, but my amateur night performance is now exactly 20 days away (august 12th!), and i’ve got jack figured out. well, i’ve got the name narrowed down to three following choices:

candy handfuls
candy le cour
candy sprinkles

any thoughts? maybe i need to run some sort of poll? regardless, i’m not really impressing anyone by having the least important element of my performance 1/3 completed.  still to do:

choreography
props
costumes

it’s really that last one that’s going to wreck up the joint. because it is a special (and likely once in a lifetime) occasion, i have decided to allow myself a small budgetary concession for costuming. otherwise, i’ll be wearing a an aging maidenform and some very questionable hanes her ways. however, that does not give me license to go all agent provocatuer (although wouldn’t this be perfection?), and spend several hundred dollars on upscale pretties. this is burlesque on a budget and i need to find my pumps and pasties for low low prices.

first rule of thumb for buying sexy costumes for less: if the website specializes in retro lingerie or has a pinup theme– it’s gonna be pricey. if it’s all sorts of trashy and essentially built for hookers, you’re in the right place. hints to know that you’re headed in the right direction- classy names like discountstripper.com or stripperzone are a strong indicator. also, early 90s era web design.

after spending some time perusing the discount wares at fine establishments like sexymart, you’ll notice that stripper shoes are still upwards of $50 a pair. unfortunately, sexy shoes are essential to effective sexy dancing, so additional (but equally slutty) resources are needed. skankwear is the answer! though nearly identical in product to the exotic dancewear sites, for some reason the shoes at the tramp depots are wicked ridiculous cheap. i definitely think i’ll be getting these, but i am also strongly considering these (maybe for a naughty nurse number?).

one of the best things that sets burlesque apart from straight up stripping is the costumes. it’s never about just straight-up  off the rack lingerie, it’s the details. custom corsets, hand applied rhinestones, tassles, and lace. i will personally be adding some garter straps to my knickers (traditional garter belts accentuate all my fat parts), and adorning the whole situation with copious bows.  as for pasties, the really nice ones are insanely expensive, and the really not nice ones are just giant stickers for your boobs in a way that is totally not cute. the good news is that instructables tells me that i can make my own, and i’m going to choose to believe them.

if you haven’t noticed, i’m being extremely ambiguous about the details of my routine. it is a competition after all, and i do want it to be at least a little bit of a surprise. for now, just think hooker heels and lots of bows, and i’ll see what i can do about not making it an utter disaster. oh, and if you know any males in the area with booming voices and no shame- i might need your help.

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8 responses

23 07 2010
Red

I personally like “candy le cour.” The others are too obvious. 😉

25 07 2010
bessmarvin

that seems to be the most popular choice, but for some reason i can’t let go of candy sprinkles. i have a feeling i will pick one on the day of the performance.

23 07 2010
InfamousQBert

somehow i missed your babbling about this, but it sounds fun. coincidentally, i ran across a burlesque mag/website the other day that’s run out of dallas. they have an “ask an expert” section that might help you with your pasty issues.

http://pincurlmag.com/

also, i LOVE going to the stripper stores. we have a bunch in my general area (urban areas are fun that way) and, of course, i’ve been there for halloween and other costumey events. i feel like such a KID when i go in because i automatically get the giggles as soon as i notice something sans crotch.

25 07 2010
bessmarvin

LOVE the stripper stores. although i also can’t go into one without getting the hardcore giggles. burlesque is tough though, there’s a fine line between topless performer and skanky stripper. although i think it helps that i don’t have a spray tan and big fake tits.

23 07 2010
kate

woowoo! can’t wait- can i come? details please. i’ll throw money at you. and this made me think of you: http://indelibleapprenticeship.blogspot.com/2010/07/abcs-and-girl-sleuths.html
i don’t know nancy drew- why are there chicken drumsticks and cookies floating around her head??

25 07 2010
bessmarvin

of course you can come. august 12th. i’m sure to be horribly awkward and terrified. what a hilarious way for us to finally meet! as for the nancy tat (which is KICK ASS), one of her sidekicks (my hero and pseudonym bess marvin) is always hungry and eating and nancy & george (her other sidekick) are always telling her how fat she is. tragic!

23 07 2010
jjdactyl

there is nothing, NOTHING!, i love more than prancing around in my underpants. it is so easy to make your own pasties, i promise! oh goodness.

you can sew lace on anything, and it’ll be awesome. do it up. i’m so excited for you!

wheeee, nakedness.

25 07 2010
bessmarvin

why aren’t you signed up to compete? you could win $50 and of course the pride that comes with a good serious public titty shakin. i’m terrified, but i have hopes that i’ll magically be filled with sexy confidence the moment my music comes on.

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