rich207

28 04 2010

the boyfriend actually said something funny today (this is rare). this evening, as we were discussing our plans for the weekend, i said that on sunday i was planning on doing laundry and “official blog business” all day sunday. and he responded, “that’s cool, i was planning on working on my blog all day too.” when i asked him what his blog was about, he responded “it’s called rich207, and i’m going to write about all the really expensive stuff i’m going to buy.”

for a guy who deeply loves fart jokes, this is really A+ material.  also, it also got me thinking about how hilarious it would be to have an alternate universe blog called rich207, and what kind  of jazz would be featured on said website.  well, if i were debtless and looking to spend my surplus cash on local tomfoolery… here’s pretty much what it would look like:

if you’re looking for stupid-amazing antique jewelry, stonehome estate jewelry on exchange is the place to go. and when it comes to high class baubles, the more ludicrous and unnecessary, the better. try on this truly unbelievable platinum, gold and diamond jockey brooch for a mere $3,500. you’d have to return 23,333 empty carlo rossi bottles (@ $.15 each) for that kind of scratch.

i make do with cheap polyester knock offs at forever21 because i have to. but if i had walking around money that i was actually allowed to walk around with, i’d be heading my ass over to the black parrot on middle street for easily the best looking/most interesting/smartest higher-end clothing in town (sorry helene m., if i have to see one more precious pair of tory burch flats- i’m gonna commit homicide). watch me elude the police in this fully hot thunder & lightning dress by risto for $655.  that’s a scant 43 $15 back-alley handjobs (let alone how quick you’d work it off  you upgraded to BJs!)!

after all the spending, i might need to sit down for a while. possibly in my new womb chair with ottoman from addo novo on congress. there’s actually a catalog called design within reach that has the same chair. since when is $3793 “in reach” for anyone? this rich207 bullshit is starting to make me agitated… that’s 222 hours humpin the stripper pole (state average for exotic dancers is $17.06/hr) to pay for one chair. what if need a set?

while i’m there, i might as well just wander upstairs and throw down for a little downtown real estate. wow, $469,500 for a 1,500 SF uber-modern congress street loft? a giveaway! why that’s only 18,780 pints of blood plasma (they have a variable scale from $15-$30 so i thought that $25 was a good middle ground) at the portland biologicals in lewiston. at the maximum 2 pints a week, you’d be paid off completely in a short 180.6 years!

conclusion= rich207 is for assholes, and they can stay in their parallel asshole universe.

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6 responses

28 04 2010
blackgirlinmaine

Damn, I suppose if one were loaded even in a state like Maine there would be plenty of good places to blow money. I have often wanted to take a peek in Addo Novo, but sadly my furniture budget is more in line with Bob’s Discount. Or better yet yard sales.

I gotta be gotta be honest though I could not imagine paying almost half a million dollars to live on Congress St. Hell, the North Dam Mill in Biddeford has some sweet looking lofts and are down right cheap. Yeah, its Biddo but the area is up and coming.

29 04 2010
bessmarvin

i’ve seen those lofts in bido, and they are hot stuff. sadly, because i don’t drive, i’m peninsula bound. however, i paid a bargain basement price for my “cosmetically challenged” condo in the east end, and used my first time homebuyer credit to get new floors and paint. save for my couch that came on super sale from macy’s, all of my furniture is vintage (aka salvation army) or ikea. and you know what- it’s ok. still looks pretty good, and if i accidentally destroy it, that’s ok too. $3,000 chairs are for suckers.

28 04 2010
Luke!

This made me laugh. I figured I could give two handjobs at a time and get that dress in no time flat. Though there’d be two dudes with only half a handjob. Not sure where that would get me.

I feel like I shouldn’t be talking about handjobs on your blog, but you brought it up.

29 04 2010
bessmarvin

luke, i feel confident in saying that any time you want to come to my blog and talk about hand jobs, that’s ok with me. glad i could make you laugh. maybe the two half hand job guys could finish each other off (but not in a gay way)?

29 04 2010
imogen flowers

Gee, I wouldn’t mind living in the asshole parallel universe. But, in true beauty pageant answer style- I’d give it all to charity and pray for world peace.

29 04 2010
bessmarvin

if by give it all to charity you mean spend it all at mod cloth and on paying someone to toilet train your cat. fyi, angela @ the suburban jungle is also trying to potty train her cat with the same system! i thought you might enjoy reading about her litter strewn adventures.

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