the boyfriend actually said something funny today (this is rare). this evening, as we were discussing our plans for the weekend, i said that on sunday i was planning on doing laundry and “official blog business” all day sunday. and he responded, “that’s cool, i was planning on working on my blog all day too.” when i asked him what his blog was about, he responded “it’s called rich207, and i’m going to write about all the really expensive stuff i’m going to buy.”
for a guy who deeply loves fart jokes, this is really A+ material. also, it also got me thinking about how hilarious it would be to have an alternate universe blog called rich207, and what kind of jazz would be featured on said website. well, if i were debtless and looking to spend my surplus cash on local tomfoolery… here’s pretty much what it would look like:
if you’re looking for stupid-amazing antique jewelry, stonehome estate jewelry on exchange is the place to go. and when it comes to high class baubles, the more ludicrous and unnecessary, the better. try on this truly unbelievable platinum, gold and diamond jockey brooch for a mere $3,500. you’d have to return 23,333 empty carlo rossi bottles (@ $.15 each) for that kind of scratch.
i make do with cheap polyester knock offs at forever21 because i have to. but if i had walking around money that i was actually allowed to walk around with, i’d be heading my ass over to the black parrot on middle street for easily the best looking/most interesting/smartest higher-end clothing in town (sorry helene m., if i have to see one more precious pair of tory burch flats- i’m gonna commit homicide). watch me elude the police in this fully hot thunder & lightning dress by risto for $655. that’s a scant 43 $15 back-alley handjobs (let alone how quick you’d work it off you upgraded to BJs!)!
after all the spending, i might need to sit down for a while. possibly in my new womb chair with ottoman from addo novo on congress. there’s actually a catalog called design within reach that has the same chair. since when is $3793 “in reach” for anyone? this rich207 bullshit is starting to make me agitated… that’s 222 hours humpin the stripper pole (state average for exotic dancers is $17.06/hr) to pay for one chair. what if need a set?
while i’m there, i might as well just wander upstairs and throw down for a little downtown real estate. wow, $469,500 for a 1,500 SF uber-modern congress street loft? a giveaway! why that’s only 18,780 pints of blood plasma (they have a variable scale from $15-$30 so i thought that $25 was a good middle ground) at the portland biologicals in lewiston. at the maximum 2 pints a week, you’d be paid off completely in a short 180.6 years!
conclusion= rich207 is for assholes, and they can stay in their parallel asshole universe.