the reverse oscars.

8 03 2010

lips so deserving
but i’m sorry  miss jolie
give that oscar back

my sort of brilliant college boyfriend jeremy wrote that haiku back in 2000 after angelina won best supporting actress for the hot mess that was girl interrupted. and last night, as i watched the fully adorable but totally undeserving sandy bullock win best actress for the blind side, i shook my head quietly and sighed (ok, i actually screamed “what the fuck!” at the television). the academy has done it again. can we ground them? take their credit cards away? send them to siberia until they pee their pants and promise never to do it again?

in so many ways, the oscars have become so much of an overblown pageant of nepotism and ego masturbation that the elements of actual craftsmanship are almost completely overlooked. if the academy ever wants to get their tv privileges back, they’re going to have to make some reparations.  we need to host the reverse oscars.  it will be a lavish televised event (hosted by neil patrick harris), where all of the academy award winners of years past who won for the wrong reason or outright didn’t deserve to win (or even be nominated) will give their awards to the people who did deserve to win, or who weren’t even nominated but should have been.

it goes something like this:

gene wilder will finally get his due for willy wonka.  julia roberts will hand her ill-gotten erin brokovitch award over to ellen burstyn, who was nothing short of phenomenal in requiem for a dream. someone will shove gwenyth paltrow down the stairs and take her shakespeare in love oscar and give it to emily watson for hilary & jackie (they might also possibly slap her around a bit for view from the top and shallow hal)… and so on…

anyhow, those are a few of my favorite picks for the reverse oscars, but i’m definitely soliciting suggestions to fill up the roster. we have a 3 hour show to plan people! (somebody get doogie on the line).

p.s. i know this has nothing to do with money, but i just needed to get it off my chest.

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6 responses

8 03 2010
Jen

There’s a lot of reasons I don’t watch awards shows for the most part. One Oscar that I definitely don’t think should be reversed is Heath Ledger’s Best Supporting Actor Oscar for The Dark Knight. That was one hell of a performance and I was so glad that he won, I actually watched the Oscars that year lol. I don’t watch shows like Dancing With the Stars (stupidest fucking show out there), The Bachelor (tho I did watch the finale of this season, there’s 2 hours of my life I’ll never get back), Survivor, The Amazing Race, etc either. I don’t even watch American Idol anymore, altho this season one of the male contestants is from a tiny ass little town about 20 minutes from where I grew up so that’s pretty cool.

I can say that I have seen an Oscar up close and personal though. My family is friends with the parents of Frances McDormand. Right after she won her Oscar for Fargo there was a 50th anniversary party for her parents and she came and she brought her Oscar. She was cool as hell!

8 03 2010
bessmarvin

i’m not a big award show fan either, but somehow i always end up getting sucked into the oscars- and they always make me the maddest! totally agreed about heath ledger. he deserved it alive or not. i’m not saying that they NEVER get it right, but julia roberts? come on! although i will admit that i totally love the bachelor.

9 03 2010
notkristina

Not sure who the competition was that year and who the award should go to instead, but I think we can safely say that Marisa Tomei must have had sex with every single academy judge in order to have won her oscar for her role in a little movie called “My Cousin Vinnie.”. And while I agree that Ellen Burstyn was great, I just want to make clear that Requiem for a Dream is one of my least favorite movies of all time.

9 03 2010
bessmarvin

both vanessa redgrave and natasha richardson were nominated in that category. VANESSA FUCKING REDGRAVE and they gave it to marissa tomei. i’m sure she gives a great hum-job. as for ellen burstyn, it’s supposed about the performance and not the movie (although i did like the movie). and she totally kicked ass. whereas julia roberts was… um… yeah, about that…

17 03 2010
mj

Ken Watanabe for The Last Samurai rather than Sean Penn Best Supporting Actor is my reverse.

18 03 2010
bessmarvin

i should put the last samurai on my netflix, i’ve never seen it. actually, looking back at all the oscar nominees over the last 20 years i’ve seen sooooooooooooooo many egregious errors in judgment. really academy? bridget jones? shrek? i think the only thing we can do here is burn the academy down and start over completely.

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