yikes. admittedly, i probably should have skipped out on black friday this year… life in costume hell isn’t exactly allowing me for proper eating, sleep, and human interaction- maybe a 4 am big time shopping expedition amidst COMPLETE CHAOS wasn’t the most prudent choice. but since when have i ever been prudent?
1st stop- walmart. apparently the super walmart in scarborough opened at midnight and nobody thought to tell us. by 4 am the parking lot is almost completely full, and lines for big tvs and zhu zhu hamsters are snaking through the stores cutting off access to the less exciting goods. we were promised 100 titles of $2 movies. by the time we arrive, there are about 4 titles left. sorry “the mummy- curse of the dragon emperor” you suck. young frankenstein and a few other decent titles were still around, but there was NO WAY IN HELL that we were waiting in that behemoth line for $8 worth of dvds. we high tailed it out of there empty handed.
unfazed, we were on to target! we arrived just as they were letting people inside and streamed in with the rest at the tail of the line. dvds were located conveniently in the women’s clothing section. MOB SCENE! the boyfriend grabbed a couple of cheap box sets (30 rock, psych), and i got my $3.99 copy of baby mama, and that’s all. better luck at the mall?
i started out taking care of burlesqe business at lane bryant. remember that time they said 40% off the whole store? apparently, that meant EVERYTHING BUT UNDERWEAR! which was the one thing i needed. $27 down on plus size ruffle butts. FUCK YOU.
maybe the gap will be better? bogo sweaters were overpriced and not that cute. not a thing i couldn’t live without.
dejected, i limp on to jc penny to try on a pair of $29.99 boots that i saw in their black friday flier. shockingly, they are cute, leather-free, and comfortable. despite their list price of $85 (for PVC boots! outrageous), they don’t seem like that great a deal, but i buy them anyway. i’m feeling sorry for myself.
overtired feeling low, i go to forever 21 for some more retail therapy. nothing. i don’t even think anything was on sale.
outraged, i stomp over to h&m and buy a very cute but only marginally on sale (25% off any one item) puffer jacket and i sweater i’ve been eyeballing for months that is not on sale at all. $90 disappear from my broken bank account without a single thought.
finally, the boyfriend arrives laden down with more cheap dvd sets from best buy, and a present for me (coraline!), and we’re finally ready to get the hell out of the mall area.
unfortunately, i need to go to joann fabrics to pick up some fabric i need for the show… BAD IDEA. those fabric bitches are BATSHIT CRAZY!! i don’t entirely know what was on sale (although there was a pretty hot 20% off your total purchase coupon going around), but those ladies had shopping carts full to overflowing with bolts upon bolts of fabric (mostly fleece with sports logos grossly enough). i grabbed my 2 bolts and headed to the cutting counter. they were serivng 99…. and i was number 128… mercifully, i found a “3 cuts or less” line with only 5 people in it. less fortunately, it was manned by the SLOWEST CUTTER IN THE HISTORY OF MANKIND. finally, i was at the front of the line. slow as hell, AND she charged me for the two extra inches there were on the bolt over the 2 yards i asked for. BITCH PLEASE! i was out. they were still on number 113 by the time i sailed out the door.
and that was it. we got breakfast (during which both of us almost passed out into our french toast), and went home to pass out in our disappointment and regret. it had been my hope that i could score the rite aid and cvs deals to even out the failure- but no go. this weekend only had room for sleeping and sewing. and sucking. lots of sucking. oh, and did i mention that i saw baby mama at big lots later that day for only $3? WHY AM I SO BAD AT THIS?!