i’m a lucky lady. in the whole almost 3 years of this blog (my blogiversary is on the 23 if anyone wants to get wasted on cheap champagne with me), i’ve gotten nominated for stuff, got to speak at stuff, guest posted on a whole mess of wonderful bogs, and met a shitload of wonderful people. but because i’m also an asshole ( a lucky asshole), i don’t say thank you enough. or in this particular case, soon enough. Read the rest of this entry »
day 5: friday slump.
3 09 2012
i had such high hopes for this week. i was going to eat cleanly, do laundry, go jogging EVERY DAY… this week was the week that would make up for the other 51 weeks that i spend mired in guilt not doing any of the things on my “to do” list. this week was going to CHANGE EVERYTHING.
it started well.
i jogged, i cooked, i paid overdue medical bills. i wrote every day. i ate so many vegetables! Read the rest of this entry »
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Tags: amazon.com, bed, broken plans, brute force, chicken pot pie, cravings, crumbs, diet, ebay, funny cat pictures, glitter hooker shoes, healthy, laundry, lazy, lazy sack, letting myself down, margarine, napping, organization, perfection, pinterest, productive, swatch watch, vegan, weight loss, wile e. coyote, willpower, yoga arms
Categories : nothin in particular
day 4: the wrong bus.
31 08 2012
today was stupid from start to finish.
all week i had planned that today i was going to go to the DMV to take my permit test. come to find out this morning, you actually have to send in a physical paper application with a check for $10, and then in 2-4 weeks they MAIL you a date to come in and take your test. [sigh]
it was supposed to be an adventure day to the mall, with the highlight being finally getting my permit and admitting to myself and others that i am ready to learn how to drive.
instead, i ate a big bowl of leftover mac & cheese (this recipe was ridiculously delicious, and i am not easily impressed by impostor cheese) and dicked around on the internet.
but after as many hours of lounging as i could physically tolerate, i decided that DMV bureaucracy couldn’t keep me from trying on pants. to the mall! Read the rest of this entry »
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Tags: bureaucracy, bus to hell, charon, cowards, crying, dead, dicking around, DMV, fat day, fluorescent lights, g-string, ill fitting, jaywalking, maine mall, metro bus, neighborhood hookers, neon, old navy, PANIC ATTACK, permit, poached, purgatory, regret, river styx, self conscious, shopping, slutty dress, south portland, squishy, thong, underpants, unflattering, vegan mac & cheese, wrong bus
Categories : nothin in particular
day 3: a new demographic.
29 08 2012
today is my birthday.
i’m not sure why 35 seems so old, when i didn’t notice 34 at all. is it because i’m officially in my “mid-30s” now (no turning back)? or perhaps because i am no longer in the 19-34 age bracket on surveys?
i do feel a little strange, but i’m pretty sure i’m not having some sort of almost mid-life meltdown or anything, so that’s good. i did smear a bunch of face cream on my neck today because i became convinced that i have early onset turkey wattle. although, i think it has less to do with aging and more to do with losing some serious neck weight over the last year. whatever the cause, i don’t think it’s wrong for anyone to be extra moisturized. Read the rest of this entry »
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Tags: 35, aging, birthday, burts bees, california raisins, career, crushes, daydreaming, demographic, family, fantasy, forever 21, getting older, glitter shoes, happy endings, IRA, MBA, MFA, mid-life crisis, mini skirts, ms. yvonne, peaks island, pee-wee's playhouse, peter pan, philosophical, reality, retirement, sad old lady, turkey waddle, when i grow up, wrinkles
Categories : nothin in particular
day 2: gym class hero.
29 08 2012
i ran 3 miles today without stopping.
and (other than a semi-successful vegan mac & cheese cook off that i may talk about at a later date), it was pretty much the highlight of the day.
i understand that most people can run further (certainly faster) than 3 crappy, labored, sweat drenched miles clutching my inhaler for dear life. but, for me, it’s kind of a big deal.
growing up, i was that quintessential skinny armed asthmatic type who was always botching the “presidential physical fitness exam” and getting that muffled groan of disappointment when i was assigned to someone’s team in gym class. in fact, i was the only 6th grade girl who was cut from the softball team. bizarrely, they would kindly allow me be the “manager”, and required me to keep score for a game which I HAD NO IDEA HOW TO PLAY. R-B-I-don’t fucking know. actually, i still don’t.
so yeah, my lack of physical strength and coordination were actually slightly less of a problem than the fact that i had no idea how to play any sport ever. i was always traveling with the basketball or grabbing the soccer ball with my hands. i didn’t know (still don’t). and moreover, i didn’t care. and the only times i would ever rue the fact that i had decided never to learn the rudimentary rules of floor hockey were in those moments when i was standing in the middle of the gym, paralyzed with fear, having every single person in the room screaming at me to do the thing that everyone else already knew how to do. Read the rest of this entry »
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Tags: asthma, athletic, getting cut, good hustle, gym class, gym teacher, jogging, manager, phys-ed, physical education, picked last, potential, presidential physical fitness exam, RBI, rules, running, skinny arms, softball, sports, torture
Categories : nothin in particular
day 1: alone vacation is boring.
28 08 2012
for the next 8 days, i am on summer vacation. “stay-cation” if you want to used a stupid made up word to describe the fact that i can’t afford to actually go anywhere. but regardless of my being tethered to this zip code for the next week, i’m actually quite optimistic about the prospect of a week of paid down time to do nothing but take naps and catch up on several year’s worth of to-do lists gathering dust in the back of my brain.
seriously, i’ve had the same bag of dry cleaning for at least 3 years. possibly 5. so long that i got too fat for the clothes in the bag, and then eventually lost the weight so that i can probably fit into them again. likely, they are no longer in style. i should really put “reevaluate contents of dry cleaning bag” on my to-do list before i spend $60 having disastrously dated frocks professionally cleaned. Read the rest of this entry »
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Tags: advanced memoir, back bay, bok choy, bored, bummed out, dry cleaning, ennui, fat pants, goodwill, healthy, hot pants, jogging, making curtians, mr. bagel, netflix, princess movies, protective, stay-cation, tofu cream cheese, urban vegan, usm, vacation, vegan, vitamix, writing class
Categories : nothin in particular
walking out: why “step up 4″ was a way better movie than “the dark knight rises”.
21 08 2012
until last week, i’ve only ever walked out of one movie- meet the parents.
picture it, it was the year 2000, and my boyfriend at the time (who also happens to also be my boyfriend at the present) had seen it with friends, and assured me that it was hilarious. i do think it’s notable to mention here how weird it is that the company that you’re with has so much sway in how much you enjoy a movie. but yeah, i don’t think i have to explain why i walked out of that one (robert de niro- WHAT HAVE YOU DONE!?).
but then last week, i went to see the dark knight rises at the nickelodeon (again, with that boyfriend who possibly has a chronic case of the bad movie karmas).
with an 87% fresh rating on rotten tomatoes, and having enjoyed the first two movies very much, i was poised and open for peak enjoyment. i really really wanted to like it. i wanted it to be amazing. i wanted it to be the booming crescendo in a symphony that was the (so far pretty good) dark knight trilogy. but right from the outset, i just couldn’t get on board. also, i accidentally spilled most of my smuggled in wheat thins on the floor during the opening credits.
let me make you a nice tidy bulleted list of where things went wrong for me: p.s…. SPOILER ALERT. Read the rest of this entry »
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Tags: 20 minute chase scene, 4th grade fantasy, 90 minutes, alfred, bad movie karma, bane, batman, batmobil, bearskin rug, big budget, bored, break dancing, catwoman, choreography, cinemagic, confused, dance battle, dance movie, dark knight rises, disappointed, getting it up, holy shit, implied promise, lol, low expectations, meet the parents, megaphone, movies, new yorker, nickelodeon, off the hook, oscar winner, rachel, robert de niro, rotten tomatoes, snack bar, speaker mouth, SPOILER ALERT, steel magnolias, step up 4, step up revolution, superhero movie, suspension of disbelief, teary, too far, too long, trilogy, unintelligible, vhs, walking out, wheat thins, you got served
Categories : product reviews
