Live Free or IKEA Hard (and some other boring shit about my life).

25 04 2014

koffininstructionWow, it’s super sad that the last time I updated this blog was a year ago when the last IKEA bus was ready to fly… I was writing for mainetoday.com for a while, and then my life just kind of rolled out of my hands like a rogue ball of yarn and I spent the last year doing “other things.” I painted a house, I wrote some short plays, I painted some terrible self portraits, and I made a lot of pies. Oh, and I watched every single episode of House M.D. Two times. In my bed.  It was a weird year.

And, here I am. I want to start writing again. But, I also want to start jogging again, and obviously that’s gone really well [so fat].

I made a new blog header, and found some less lousy social media icons… I don’t know if I like them, but whatever. Point being, I’m considering a comeback. If one can consider going from single digit to double digit page views a comeback. Or if anyone even notices when a marginally successful blogger rises from the grave…

But, enough of my ellipses and the narcissistic pontifications.

What can I do for you?

I may not have been writing, or doing other blog stuff, but I am still rockin’ the IKEA Bus if you’re interested. Shit is going down on May 31st, and you can buy tickets right here. You can even get out of town delivery if you’re so inclined (and are willing to pay a small fee). You should come. There will be snacks.

Also, if you don’t need any particle board furniture, maybe you want new summer clothes? SwapMaine is up to its old tricks again with our spring swap coming right at your face on May 17th. Come fill up yo sack with all the skinny pants that I have to discard because they’re making me feel bad.

 

 





NO FOOLIN. (it’s IKEAbus time!)

1 04 2013

I SHOULD BUY A COUCH

It’s springtime bitches, and you know what that means… IKEA BUS! Yes, we’re (and by we I mean me) doing it again, and no April Foolin, tickets are on sale today. I’m doing a limited amount of $30 early bird tickets, so if you’re definitely in, you might want to get on that soon. (BE AN EARLY BIRD RIGHT NOW)

For those of you who don’t know about the many mystical properties of the IKEA Bus, here is a brief lowdown:

For less than a price of a bus ticket to Boston, you get a ride to a place that the Greyhound won’t take you, donuts & coffee, a bunch of local snacks, and trashy in-flight movies. Oh, and did I mention the liberal BYOB policy?

Did I also mention that we have an awesome moving company who will bring all your giant boxes back to Portland for you and deliver them to your car or house? (Deliveries to towns other than Portland are currently in negotiation.)

p.s. IKEA is a amazing. Jonathan Coulton will tell you all about it.

If you want all the actual factual details about the logistics of the trip, you can find it all on the ticketing site. But really, you don’t need to know those details.  All you need to know is that there’s pretty much nothing better than slightly tipsy furniture shopping with a lot of excellent people. Also, meatballs.





Pinkies OUT!

29 11 2012

yeah, i’m horribly delinquent. it’s been a rough couple of months for me on a number of fronts, but even as i slowly pull out of my tailspin of procedural cop drama and cookies in bed, i’m still having a hard time getting my shit together to write again. although, i can promise a lengthy exploration about why i decided that putting naked pictures of myself on the internet is probably not the best way to make myself feel better (don’t worry mom, i didn’t do it). however, in my long absence, i have gravely neglected to talk about a project that i was working on, and i’m sincerely hoping that it’s not too late to grab your attention and your time for a minute.

this holiday season, the ladies of swapmaine decided to see what would happen if we got ALL FANCY for the holidays. so, instead of having our standard “all you can grab” style swap of big bins and big digging, we’re throwing an intimate little cocktail party swap where everyone brings just a few of their very best things, drinks some bubbly, nibbles some snacks, and goes home with 5 immaculately perfect items. it’s kinda gonna be an amazing. here’s why: Read the rest of this entry »





death of a salesman.

4 05 2012

let’s be clear: i am a terrible sales person.

when i was in 2nd grade, i quit girl scouts because i didn’t like being forced to sell cookies. in 5th grade, i quit trick or treating because it felt too much like solicitation. despite the fact that everyone loves girl scout cookies, and virtually every person in america has a bowl of candy at the ready on halloween, i couldn’t shake the dirtiness of asking someone to give me something- or worse, BUY SOMETHING!

it’s kind of my worst non-dismemberment related fear. like twitchy cold sweat vomit grade fear.

so here we are at IKEA bus time again, and we have 27 people signed up for a bus that holds 50. and on the inside, i’m all like OH SHIT OH SHIT OH SHIT OH SHIT. but then again, i don’t actually want to ask anyone to to buy a ticket. or flood my facebook and twitter feeds with plugs for my little project. so i’m sort of at a stalemate.

so my decision was to try and overcome my fear in the least invasive and annoying way i could think of- a short and to the point blog post. just one more before i give up, pat myself on the back, and say “hey, 27 people is still pretty sweet. you’re gonna have a kick ass time”.

so here it is. Read the rest of this entry »





IKEA BUS- come and get it!

17 04 2012

good morning early birds! just in case you missed the first announcement, the IKEA BUS is back in action! tickets go on sale today, and because it’s late and i’m punchy, this year’s event is called: Revenge of the IKEA Bus (the Squeakquel)! The magic date is SATURDAY, MAY 19th, but otherwise the rules are pretty much the same as last year: donuts, bus, snacks, movie, ikea, frolicking, bus, movie, delivery, allen wrenches, bourbon.

this year, because i like to mix things up a little, i’m giving last year’s price of $30 a ticket for 1 WEEK ONLY. if you buy a ticket after 4/24, you’ll have to pay an extra $5. i have some ideas for snacks and in-flight movies, but i definitely need to get some more suggestions going on. i’m also hoping to work out a truck situation with some sexy local movers, but i haven’t nailed that one down quite yet. either way, there will be a truck (so now is your chance to buy a couch!) and free donuts. and fun. you don’t want to miss out on the fun. so get your ticket going RIGHT NOW, and start making your wish list.





IKEA BUS-save the date!

6 04 2012

i’m hoping to get ticket sales up and running next week while i’m recuperating, but in the meantime… i have rented a bus. if you want to ride the ikea bus 2.0, you might want to put the date MAY 19TH on your calendars. but now, i must rest (it’s 2 am and tomorrow is surgery day).





get dressed!

15 03 2012

so enough bummer posts for a minute about fibroids and break ups. can we do a little something fun for a moment maybe?

maybe, we could go shopping.

and we’re not just going to go shopping. we’re going to go shopping for CHEAP, and we’re going to go shopping for a GOOD CAUSE.

southern maine dress for success needs your help!  in the midst of a pretty serious reorganization, they’re finding themselves with an excess of donated clothing and an almost complete lack of funding. it’s sad to see such a cool organization struggling to make ends meet- especially when it’s needed so much in this bunk economy. but we can help them out in the best way we know how- SHOPPING.

they’re having a big ass fundraising sale on saturday from 9-1 (details to the left), and the very best thing you can to do support their organization to come with dollars ready (or plastic. or checkbook. i was informed by amanda from misadventures in portland that the only thing they don’t accept is barter- so leave those chickens at home!) and a desire to score yourself some awesome new clothes (starting at $5!).

i will be there personally elbowing my way to the front of the handbag section, and i’ll be putting my scores up on the facebooks (showboating will be done). you should probably come and make sure that i don’t take ALL the good stuff.





valentine’s b-side- loving love is dangerous.

14 02 2012

so my real official valentine’s day post belongs to ophelia’s webb today, so you’ll have to go over there if you want to read that mess. but if you’re too lazy to click, the cliff’s notes version is that i love valentine’s day.

when was a little girl, i would spend weeks and weeks making home made valentines for everyone i cared about (long before romantic love could hover over me like a specter of death) and generally just thinkin about all the people i wanted to tell how awesome they are. as a teenager, i wasn’t always great at expressing my love for anyone or anything (picture it- 1992: black lipstick, kafka, ever present scowl), but for some reason, i let valentine’s day be the exception to that rule. and in fact, if i felt compelled to declare my affections to someone in particular, i would often wait until valentine’s day- and spend weeks or months thinking of just the right thing to say that would make them fall in love with me instantly.

this has had varying levels of effectiveness. and has, on rare occasion, gotten me into trouble. Read the rest of this entry »





[black friday] balance restored.

30 11 2011

black friday when all nuts this year. some stores opened at midnight, some at 4, some at 6… all of which made it nearly impossible for me to form a workable plan for a pleasant shopping experience. what was i supposed to do, hit the old navy and the target at midnight and then hang out at the denny’s until the mall opened?

NO. my digestive system could not take such a beating (although i still really do want to try out that grilled cheese with the mozzarella stix embedded inside, even though i know it’s wrong)!

i considered just hitting the midnight store and then going back later in the morning… but that also seemed less than ideal in terms of efficiency. so i decided to do something a little different this year- SLEEP IN.

it was actually kind of awesome. and then around 7, i leisurely got up, walked the dog, and headed to the mall. considering that i don’t need any big ticket electronics, and all the cheap movie titles were complete crap, it wasn’t like i was missing anything anyway (other than shivering in the cold with a bunch of other cranky folks who are more than willing to elbow you in the throat to get the last creepy stalker barbie).

and since i had already slept through the “best” deals, i also felt little pressure to hit the big boxes and try to scrape up what was left. so i just went wherever the hell i wanted regardless of big signs yelling DOORBUSTERS! and here is what i got: Read the rest of this entry »





weekend pickthrough- swapmaine hangover edition.

31 10 2011

we came. we saw. we SWAPPED. installment number two of the swapmaine citywide clothing swap went off on saturday afternoon like goddamn gangbusters (thanks especially to all of our donors, and our legion of impeccably dressed volunteers). we managed to scare up over 300 people, 3,000 lbs of clothing, and a whole fistful of money to donate to goodwill of northern new england! (we glow with pride)

of course, what we really want to talk about is what did we score?

sadly, i didn’t have too much time to shop in the chaos, but i did grab a few choice bits and pieces here and there

some of my favs are pictured to the left:

1. dkny silk maxi sailor dress (circa 1990ish)

2. YSL slik twill scarf (does anyone know how to get stains out of a silk scarf?)

3. amazing vintage slip

4. acid green heels

5. incredible glass brooch made by some company called “accessocraft NYC”

i also got a fistful of super soft racerback tanks, an olive green boatneck top from banana republic, a gold embellished t-shirt from j. crew, an unbelievable 90s print scarf, a printed cowlneck blouse, and a berry colored wrap sweater that makes me feel like a ballerina.  a totally respectable haul.

now before i move on to this week’s random ass links, i want to take a minute [imagine quiet voice here] to thank everyone who came out and joined in the madness. i hope you all enjoyed the bigger space and addition of snacks and raffle (FYI: whoever got the vintage jewelry lot is now my  mortal enemy).  and i just wanted to let you all know that as participants,  it is now your civic duty to take pictures of your amazing new things and send them to us (swapmaine@gmail.com) so that we can add them to our flickr and show them off to the world when we’re bragging about the superiority of our swap. adorable swap volunteer julia has already put hers up on her equally adorable blog, so GET TO IT YOU GODDAMN LAZY SLACKERS!

we also had our own roaming photog (thanks audrey!) snapping away during the event, so you should probably check back at the blog in a day or two to see if you’re swapmaine famous yet.

oh, but those links i was talking about… (because it’s almost 1 am, and i’m still a bit beat up and exhausted from all the swapping action). Read the rest of this entry »








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