death of a salesman.

4 05 2012

let’s be clear: i am a terrible sales person.

when i was in 2nd grade, i quit girl scouts because i didn’t like being forced to sell cookies. in 5th grade, i quit trick or treating because it felt too much like solicitation. despite the fact that everyone loves girl scout cookies, and virtually every person in america has a bowl of candy at the ready on halloween, i couldn’t shake the dirtiness of asking someone to give me something- or worse, BUY SOMETHING!

it’s kind of my worst non-dismemberment related fear. like twitchy cold sweat vomit grade fear.

so here we are at IKEA bus time again, and we have 27 people signed up for a bus that holds 50. and on the inside, i’m all like OH SHIT OH SHIT OH SHIT OH SHIT. but then again, i don’t actually want to ask anyone to to buy a ticket. or flood my facebook and twitter feeds with plugs for my little project. so i’m sort of at a stalemate.

so my decision was to try and overcome my fear in the least invasive and annoying way i could think of- a short and to the point blog post. just one more before i give up, pat myself on the back, and say “hey, 27 people is still pretty sweet. you’re gonna have a kick ass time”.

so here it is.

5 easy reasons why the IKEA bus is a very  excellent way to spend $35

1. you don’t have to strap anything to the roof of your ford fiesta with ikea twine and then have a panic attack on the highway hoping it doesn’t fall off and cause a massive 50 car pileup. small car? no car? distinct lack of bungee cords? we’ve got both a u-haul and some strapping young dudes from the fine moving establishment of local muscle who will get your shit back to portland with no hassle to you. and if you live in the city of portland, we will deliver!

2. SNACK PACKS! this year’s configuration of local snackables will include goods from the following: capt’n eli’s soda, wicked whoopies, mac’s kettle corn, and some other surprise stuff that is (surprise!) a surprise.

3. you’ll get treated like the goddamn princess that you are. so along with not having to lug your own boxes and getting a lot of awesome local snacks, you will also have the following: morning donuts & coffee (via tony’s donuts and coffee by design), in flight movies (suggestions welcome!), and i was told by VIP charter coaches that we would most likely get WIFI!

4. you probably need storage. and by probably, i mean definitely. and IKEA storage is both really inexpensive and really attractive. basically, you’ll get cute furniture AND you’ll have an awesome time.

5. because $35 is virtually nothing for an entire day of friends, movies, snacks, donuts, browsing, buying, and bringing home. when last i checked, a greyhound round trip ticket to boston was $44, and didn’t come with snacks. although it might come with a bus station groping if you’re really lucky.

so yeah. there’s my pitch. and if you hate sweden and particle board, maybe you know someone who doesn’t. or maybe you know someone who loves donuts and needs to buy a new couch ¬†but only has $300 and no way to get it home. i’m still gonna rock out with my current 27 bus peeps no matter what, but another 10-20 would only make the party more awesome. (spread the good word) (please) (or don’t) (no pressure).


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9 responses

5 05 2012
portlandmisadventures

Whoa, first reply! I’m definitely still going to do this (after I make sure to have enough $$$ to register my car on Monday.) But I want to add that I can totally relate to not wanting to sell. It’s difficult and it feels shitty… unless you believe that both the seller and the buyer will actually benefit from the sale (and with IKEA bus, girl, you know it’s true.)

10 05 2012
bessmarvin

don’t even worry about it. finances first! although i would love to have you on the bus. but yeah, selling is balls. lucky for me that i developed hardcore administrative skills right out of the college gate (plus touch typing from the online gaming and cybersex waves of the mid-nineties). not really putting my art degree to use, but at least i don’t work at an outbound call center.

5 05 2012
portlandmisadventures

HOLLA! I know I *said* I’d be buying a ticket, and I’m still making my list. Just making sure I have enough cashola to register my new car.

I definitely understand how you feel about selling. I did outbound calling asking people to volunteer to raise money once, for about a month. It was awful! But I truly believe that if both the seller and the buyer believe in the product, it doesn’t feel like a sale, but more like a public service, and everyone is happy. (Like, for example, the IKEA bus! Girl, you know it’s true.)

5 05 2012
portlandmisadventures

OOps I commented twice! Sorry!

6 05 2012
Chris Cavs

You have to think of it as informing people who WANT to know that this is happening. You’re performing a public service. Post it everywhere!

I hope you get all 50 tickets sold. Good luck!

10 05 2012
bessmarvin

thanks chris! we’re up to almost 40, and anything more than that is pretty much gravy. we had 42 last year, and that was kind of perfect. 50 might actually be too crowded!

6 05 2012
Danielle's Kitchen (@DaniellesKitchn)

I posted it on Facebook in case any of my local peeps were interested. Good luck!

10 05 2012
bessmarvin

thanks so much for your help. you’re a superstar! we’re at 38 (not counting me), so that’s pretty decent.

19 05 2012
IKEA! Fun for everyone

[...] was a great and exhausting day. Totally recommend. Filed Under: TheBlag · [...]

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